Nightshifters
by CodyRhodesFan
Summary: Mark's hot breaths were on Phil's neck. "If you touch my pet then I'll kill you all." But those eyes were still murderous set on Phil… P-P-PUNKERTAKER. For browngirlwrites.
1. Collapse

**I love her Punkertaker (her pairing name by the way. Awesome, isn't it?) fics to death. Dedicated to her obviously! Hope you enjoy this, chick. By the way, this was originally going to be titled 'Pet' but since she beat me to the title, I had to change it. XD.**

**Inspired by **_**"VooDoo"**_** by **_**also**_** browngirlwrites. Awesome, isn't she? The only resemblances of these two fics is this is Punkertaker, too and that Phil's gonna get preggers. **

**The horror isn't going to start until after 3-4 chapters. At least.**

Nightshifters  
Rated: +18 – violence; sex; drugs; blood and gore; **mpreg**; language  
Summary: Mark's hot breaths were on Phil's neck. "If you touch my pet then I'll kill you all." But those eyes were still murderous set on Phil… P-P-PUNKERTAKER. For _browngirlwrites_.  
Pairings: Punkertaker :D and one-sided Taker/Jeff.  
Genre: Supernatural/Horror

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter O**n**_e_

Co**lla**_pse_

* * *

After the Hell in the Cell match, I was wincing in pain, twisting in anguish and suffering, coiling in desolation and distress, but there was no physical pain that could describe the feeling of my title being taken away from me, ripped from my hands, my title, not Mark's. Never Mark's.

He proved that he could make me his bitch out there.

That made anger boil in my blood and I tried to move from my chair but I couldn't. I saw Mark coming towards the locker room, Jeff tagging alongside of him and it sickened me. Jeff had been watching the match, his eyes glowed with gleefulness and I wanted to punch that look off his face, the smile that stretched, the amusement of knowing that he was dating the very man that had broken me into pieces on the inside. He didn't know how much that title meant to me. It gave me a name. It gave me a reason to be around here. I wanted to have power. I wanted to have control but now, I didn't. I lost all of it. Saw my kingdom tumbling down.

Breaking.

Smashing into nothing.

Shattering.

Two hours ago, I had gotten a call from my brother, saying that he couldn't pick me up and that angered me. My car was under works, those mechanics told me that I had to wait a week or so until I could get my car back and now I wondered how I was going to get to the hotel. I groaned at my own thoughts but I had no other choice. I looked as Jeff and Mark shared a kiss and my stomach flopped with twisted disgust. I wanted to tell them that to get a room but instead, slurred grunts escaped from my mouth. Jeff broke the kiss and stared at me, with a scowl, he walked towards me and a grin appeared on his face and without saying a word, I knew that he was mocking me. "So, how's the World Heavyweight Champion? Oh wait, you lost that, didn't you?"

"Get out of my face," I snapped and I was ready to punch him but I restrained myself. I didn't have the energy to start a fight and I sucked in a deep breath, "I need you to drive me to my hotel, can you do that?"

"I can, but why should I?" there was an edge to his voice, stirring in his eyes, too many emotions and we knew how much we hated each other just by the look we both gave each other. The hatred trapped into his eyes for me…I almost knew that I was mirroring it without having to look into the mirror. I heard Mark chuckle, his arms crossed as he walked towards Jeff and put a hand on his shoulder, "well, Jeff, you can gloat about how he was running away from me in the cell."

Jeff's smile turned even wider and I didn't think it was possible until I had seen the grin and he nodded his head at his boyfriend, giving him one last kiss before turning to me. "Come on, let's go, straight edge bitch!"

He knew that I didn't want to fight but that didn't make me just stand there and take his insult so I had insulted him back, countless of times, mumbling curses and swears under my breath as I made my way into his car. My muscles were aching and I felt like each one of them was tearing into pieces as I slipped inside of his car, and he slipped towards the other side.

During the drive, all was silent, shockingly.

Then just when I was about to nod off to a much needed sleep, he started talking, "why do you want this straight edge life? Don't you go out? Live a little? I know that you're the type of guy that goes with a group and at the end of the night, he drives his drunk friends home because he's still sober. Don't you have a little fun once in a while? You said 'straight edge means that I'm better than you' all the time but what makes you so different? That you're boring and would rather complain about junkies other than just get over with the fact that druggies will always remain druggies and junkies will be junkies—"

"Hey," I snapped, my eyes set on his face, "straight edge is my way of life and if I choose to complain about the junkies and druggies, then I have the right. You don't know what it's like to live with a father that always drinks and you don't know how hard it was for me to live with that? Do you want your children to grow up with the image of seeing you vomit every night just because you had a 'fun' night out with your buddies? And ravishing all those drugs that are shutting down your body…it's suicide."

"It's better than living a long, boring life filled with nothing, and just die one day. It's the excitement, you know? You take a bottle of alcohol and at the end of the night, you wake up in this new person's house and even if it's date rape drugs or anything, you still find yourself laughing, because after all, that's fun. I love taking drugs because they make me feel alive and if being alive is a crime, then I'm committing it every day."

I snorted.

The next sentence got to me though.

"Are you alive, Punk?"

I twisted my head towards him and both of eyes locked and I knew what he meant. "No, I'm dead inside." I spat out, acid in my every words. "I am dead because I live a straight edge boring life and I can't ask for anything more. I know it's boring now but one day, when I have children and I have to watch them grow up, make them happy…I want to give them what I didn't have."

"So cliché," he said.

"Cliché or not, it's how I feel and you asked for it, didn't you?" I snapped at him, letting the acid overtake my words. I didn't care about how he felt right now. Like he didn't care how I felt. I just wanted to get this over with. I wanted to go to the hotel room and crawl under my bed and just die there. I still couldn't believe I had lost my title to Mark. It was my title…how could I just let it slip away from my fingers? The thoughts were consuming my head and I didn't know how I could make them stop.

Silence engulfed through the car again but then I noticed that we were going the wrong road. We were in the same hotel but he wasn't in the right road. I shook my head and grabbed onto the wheel, turning him towards the side of the road and he stared at me in shock and confusion. "What in hell's name are you doing, Punk?"

"We're not in the right road!" I exclaimed, "it's that way. You did a wrong turn—"

"I know where our hotel is!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do, straight edge bitch!"

We battled for the wheel, which caused us to crash to a pole and people ran off from our car just so they wouldn't get bumped and we just glad that the road was mostly all cleared as I tried to spin the car around and I got up from my place, slouching my back so that my face could see his own and then, all I could remember was that I saw his feet going to the accelerator and the impact knocked both of us backwards, smashing his nose and we went into such a high speed.

_80…81…82…83…84…85…86…87…88…89…90…_

My heart was beating so loudly in my chest as I tried to get control of the seemingly unreal situation and before I could realize what was happening, the car ran through a cliff, both of our bodies crashing into each other, the objects of my pocket flying around, the metal of my cell phone and my keys were digging in my flesh, the blood spluttered on the glass and soon, we tumbled through the car's glass and with blood all around, we fell to the floor, and all I could remember was feeling Jeff's breath on my face before I blacked out…

* * *

**That's the first chapter. I ended the chapter there just to build some suspense. I'll try updating everyday but I can't make any promises.**

**I hope you liked the chapter, _browngirlwrites_.**

**And thanks to Cody, my ex-boyfriend (who said that ex-boyfriends can't be friends?), _gameboycjp10, _for support.**

**X Sam.**


	2. History

**And the supernatural part is finally here. It's **_**dark**_** and ****twisted**** and that's so me, isn't it? This may be one of the most too supernatural things you've ever read but oh well…creativity is everything to me.**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter T**w**_o_

His**tor**_y_

* * *

When I woke up to face the too white of the hospital walls and floor, I knew that there was something wrong and then my mind flashed to the horror that was last night, the car, the screeching metal, Jeff Hardy and mine's bodies twisting into each other as the glass dug through our flesh, the pain, the agony, the desolation, all flashed into my head in mere moments and I shook my head, trying to tell myself that everything was fine but I knew that nothing will ever be fine. I was smashed into pieces that night and I found myself unable to move. And I felt unnatural. As if the eyes I was looking out of weren't mine. I felt as if I had stolen something and as my eyes scanned the room for Jeff and I found…me? That was impossible.

I forced myself to move and when I did, I noticed just how much ache was in my muscles and at the back of my head, I was shouting for needs of alcohol and drugs, a strong sense and need for cocaine, and at that thought, I felt myself get sick on the spot, and my eyes went to—me? He looked like me, closed eyes, same pale face, same white body, same black hair but from the charts and the graphs on the beeping devices, I would've said that he was barely breathing. That was me. I knew those features were the ones I looked into a mirror and I was just so confused. How could I be here and there? What in hell's name was going on? I heard the sound of the door opening and I saw that Matt was here. Oh great. I was going to get in trouble.

He walked towards me, with eyes that were way too concerned _for Jeff maybe? Where's Jeff? _And he hugged me. Yes, I didn't believe it but _he hugged me_. And that moment, I pushed him, "Hardy, what the hell you doing?" I snapped at him and he looked confused before I shook my head and I felt my throat dry and still, **I wanted **_I needed_ I craved for a bottle of alcohol. Why? This never happened to me before. This strong need for a bottle of alcohol, the strong want for a drag of a cigarette, this was so abnormal. It was almost as if I had known the taste, the strong acidic taste—what in hell's name—why?—I had been walking towards the bathroom—I needed to—I stopped when I looked into the mirror and my eyes were widened. Or rather his eyes widened. I was the only one in the bathroom but instead of my eyes, my beautiful eyes, looking back at me, there were green eyes looking back at me and my black hair wasn't there, there was multicolor hair and my pale body was a paled tan and—

I wasn't CM Punk.

I wasn't Phil Brooks.

I was Jeff fucking Hardy.

At the realization of that, my knees turned weak and I was stepping out of the bathroom and I had to find the doctors and find out what happened and why the hell was I Jeff Hardy? I was so confused and when I had returned to the room and before Matt could speak, I twisted my head towards the doctor and he knew my want instantly, telling me to follow him and once we were in his office, he locked the door and looked at me with sorrowful eyes.

"It was the only way that any of you could survive, Phil," he called me Phil instead of Jeff and just at that small note, my body lost all tension and I forced a weak smile to fall on my face. This body didn't feel right at all. "When they brought you inside, your body was so ruptured. You saw how Jeff looked like, didn't you? All blood. So many bones were crushed. So much blood was lost but Phil, your brain was uninjured. Unlike Jeff, who had so many pins in the left side of his brain and that makes him unable to live, his brain's practically smashed and it will take a miracle for him to wake up from the deep coma he's in but his body was fine. It's such a waste. I did what Mark had told me to. He told me to switch bodies so that one of you can survive. You did. You should thank—"

"I'm not thanking Mark for this!" I exclaimed, running out of the room and my eyes dangerously scanned the room and I waited to see Mark's silhouette and looking through the waiting room, I found Mark sitting down, staring at me, both of our eyes locked as I walked towards him and I sat down and it took all my energy not to punch him in the stomach. This was all his fault. Even if I would've been a coma, I wouldn't have to suffer this need, my body's need, for a smoke, for an intake of alcohol. Then at that moment, I felt my body want him. It was almost as if I had known each and every inch of him. This body was used to having affection from Mark but my brain was doing everything it could to stop this need to touch him.

I wanted to scream and shout at him but there was this one question stirring in my head. "This was all your idea? Why?" I wanted to know why he wanted to save me of all people. Wasn't he the Deadman? Why did he want me of all things? He had Jeff drug addict Hardy. Why did I spark an interest to him? I stopped when I realized a certain thought. He made me be in Jeff's body because he didn't need to imagine that any other boy was Jeff when he kissed him or touched him, he wanted me to be his new bitch. Like he did in the ring. My stomach sloshed. He knew what it took for me to submit to him.

"Because I'm interested in people like you," Mark's voice was sleek as he lifted my chin and I twisted my face away. "You know, there are more people like you. There's called Nightshifters. Interested?"

I looked over at him and even if I didn't want to admit it, I was interested. I nodded my head and let my eyes lock with his own and I blinked, trying to repress this emotion that was exploding in my body to tackle him down with my lips—that was disgusting. The need and want for this. The need and want for _him_. My stomach was sloshing with acid and venom. This was so very disgusting and disturbing. To have a need and sexual drive for Mark Callaway of all people.

"Nightshifters are made up of two people. There are the actual Nightshifters, known as the 'pets', and their Masters. I've never been a real Master for anyone; I've just been a temporary one for this high school boy when his Master got sick but not an actual one. The only reason I did this for you was because I want a pet. And you're the perfect one." His fingers traced along my lips.

"What about Jeff? Don't you love him?"

"You are Jeff, aren't you?"

He was playing that game. I knew this game. My uncle used to play it when his wife had passed away, he pretended that she wasn't dead, that she'll be back, it was his way of coping and I wasn't too shocked that this was the way the Deadman was coping. I didn't want to anger the Deadman; I didn't want him to force me to say that I was Jeff so I simply nodded my head. "I was Jeff," _now_. I was Jeff, wasn't I? I had to get used to it. I didn't know what else to do. I had no other choice. "Mark, will I ever get my body back?"

"It's never been seen before but there are theories saying—"

"You don't have to sugar coat it," I said, and my voice was dull. Would you be? If you knew that you might have to live in the body of your enemy forever? I was sick inside out. I _wanted_ **needed** lusted for a drag of cigarette and I walked away before Mark could say anything else, and I bought myself a cold, ice cool bottle of Pepsi but it lost its spark. The thing that I loved so very much had lost its spark and it was because this need for whiskey was stronger.

Just as I was about to get out of the hospital, an arm grabbed my wrist and I looked at Mark's eyes, "do you want to get used to this body, Phil? Because from what I see, you can lose control of your body a lot of times under stress and I need to make sure that your body doesn't get out of control. I need to make sure you're fine, pet."

Did he just call me pet?

I looked straight at him annoyed and before I could move away, he gripped onto my wrist and pushed me in front of him, both of our bodies pressing against each other and I could feel my jeans tighten. This sexual drive was very strong. I knew I wanted him but I couldn't. This was too unreal. My body wanted him but my mind didn't. All because I was in Jeff's body. I hated him. I hated Jeff Nero Hardy. I hated him so much.

I walked away from me. I didn't say anything. That night, I was in my bed, my body twisted beneath the covers and I felt a body move from above me and before I could even open my eyes, I could feel the thick scent of his mouth as my eyes slowly opened and I helped myself up, so that I was looking at Mark. "Did you follow me around here, Mark? I said I didn't want it!"

"You didn't say anything," Mark snapped and I sat on my bed again, my stomach was burning with acid and I wanted to hit him right then and now. I was just still drained out of my energy. I wanted to fall asleep right now, not worry about this all and sleeping and Mark lie down on the couch and fell asleep. After two hours, I realized that I couldn't fall asleep anymore and as I stood up, walking towards the window, all my worries flashed in my eyes. My family was different now. I had to endure them all thinking that I was dead when Jeff was the one dead, in my body.

My body…

I wanted my body back.

This one didn't seem to fit me at all. I pressed my head towards the cold glass of the window and I thought that Mark was asleep by that time, somewhere in that dream world of his and I sat down onto my chair and opened the window, staring down at the window and I never had real fears of heights but right now, fear was banging in my body.

_Seeing Matt trying to jump from the balcony, the scent of the air all filled with drugs and I held his hand, "Matt, no!"_

"_Jeff, you don't understand!"_

"_Don't understand what? That you're trying to kill yourself?!"_

_Lightning clapped in the sky and rain fell to the floor but none of us cared, just knowing that my brother was there, ready to throw his life away scared the hell out of me and before I knew it, we were both ready to fall down onto the road, crack our heads, so many nightmares, so many thoughts, running through our head_…somehow, I knew that this was a dream. It was my body that wasn't tensing. Just my brain was repeating the information these eyes had seen. I didn't want to see this. I didn't like Matt Hardy and I didn't want to start liking him just because I felt sorry for him. He wouldn't want Phil to start liking him just because he was suicidal. I didn't know what to say. Thoughts were crippling me down and I heard Mark's voice. "Don't fret, pet."

When I heard his voice, I stood up and that nightmare flashed with ten times more intensity… **"quit drugs…"** _I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying_ and I knew that voice was my own but the way that I was registering it now seemed like I was the bad guy. **"How does it feel like to ravish ounces and ounces of alcohol every night just because you feel it's exciting?"** _It's the only way to take the pain away_—

My mind had thousands of thoughts running through them all at once and I couldn't stop them. I was ready to literally pound my head up and blow my brains out. This was too much for me. I couldn't handle this.

"I'm here," Mark's arms wrapped around me and I knew that he wasn't used to the fact that I was Jeff and that was the only reason that I didn't go away but then again, I felt this attachment to him.

"Get away from me…I'm not Jeff…"

I didn't want this. I wanted my body. I wanted my life.

"Step away from the window, Phil," he told me and I stared up at him, sniffing away tears I didn't know I was holding back and I nodded my head as I laid back down onto my bed and looked at him. I wanted him next to me. I felt empty without him. "I'm not Jeff…" I simply whispered.

"I know. Go to sleep, Phil."

I chuckled under my breath and nodded my head. "I want my body…I want me back…I…I…please…" just before I could finish that sentence, my eyelids went heavy and I reluctantly fell asleep.

* * *

**Well, that's a wrap. I actually am pleased with how this turned out. Still, there was something I didn't like about this chapter for some reason…*shakes head* oh well.**

**Just because I'm bored:**

_**browngirlwrites**_**: favorite? Me? *blushes and hides* I lovies you, too! And you don't have to wait for long. I try to update as quick as I could. ;)**

_**TheMizMagnet**_**: I'll try. I don't know how to keep up anything anymore. XD. **

_**gameboycjp10**_**: looks like someone's excited about my story. Thanks. And one of my bests? Too sweet, sweetie.**


	3. Motion

**

* * *

Ch**_ap_ter **Th**_re_e

**Mo**_ti_on

* * *

I always slept peacefully throughout the night.

But in Jeff's body, while I rolled over my side, rolled on my back and stomach, I just felt sick, almost as if I couldn't sleep, almost as if I was waiting to throw up and even with all of this, the need to consume alcohol was getting worse and worse by the moment. I wanted to throw up and was holding back my own vomit and I didn't know why and before I could move away from the bed, I felt Mark's hand grip onto my side and he pushed me close to him and in Jeff's body, I felt myself relax completely before Mark pushed himself closer to me and at the feel of my stomach churn, I pushed him off. "I need to throw up-"

"No," Mark shook his head, yawning softly. "Listen, pet, this is a part of Jeff's nightly routine. He'd come back drunk and in the middle of his sleep, he'd walk up and throw up and this body is used to that happening every night and since your stomach is waiting for that to happen, your body is giving you an illusion of this all. You're fine. Go back to sleep."

"No. I need to throw up."

"You're not gonna throw up. Trust me, pet."

There was something in those eyes that calmed me down and as I calmed down, I pressed my head towards Mark's chest and this was too normal in this body and I knew that my body was moving, not my mind, and I almost had no control of what happened in this body. I was just watching myself move and this was sickening me too badly. I didn't want this. I didn't want anything. I didn't want this feeling of throwing up anymore. I just wanted my body back. I wanted to be in my hotel room, all alone, with my cleansed body and the taste of Pepsi in the back of my mouth instead of this delusional taste of alcohol at the back of my throat. I hated this. I didn't want this. I felt Mark's arms wrap around my body and at that moment, my mind could finally regain control of this body and I pushed him off.

"Phil?" Mark asked, staring at me in confusion.

"Exactly. _Phil_. Not Jeff. I'm not dating you, Deadman! Leave me alone!" I snapped at him and he nodded his head, not saying another word and it shocked me to see that he acted so patient with me. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I was wide away, staring at the frosty wall in front of me and I tried not to think of anything as my body craved smoothing other than alcohol. Having Mark like this, beside me, made my body crave him. Want him. Didn't want these thoughts. I didn't own anything anymore.

This felt like a movie.

It didn't feel real.

Until now, that I had time to think, I felt the pain of this all sink in, the agony and twisted desolation of this horror that I lived in and I wanted it all to go away. I just wanted my life back. I wanted to be the straight edge superstar. Not this. Never this. I didn't want to be known as Jeff Hardy, the drug addict. I didn't want to be known as Jeff fucking Hardy, the Rainbow Haired Warrior because I wasn't.

I was wide away for so long.

"Go to sleep, pet…you're gonna be so tired tomorrow…"

"I don't care. I don't want to listen to you."

He sighed and his warm breath almost sent a warm feeling in my body, made me want to fuck him even more and I took those thoughts away. I didn't want Jeff's sexual drive. I had never been so hard in my life. "Very well, pet. You'll realize soon that if you don't listen to me, all of the world would be just harder for you."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know more about you then you do, Phil."

The night went without any words coming out of our mouths and I was grateful for that. He was asleep and I was trying to calm myself down. I didn't want to be turned on by the Deadman, the Undertaker, Mark, of all people. I wanted to be me. II wanted to be able to breathe in my body. I wanted to be Phil Brooks again. Was that so hard to ask? Was it too hard to ask for God to give me _my_ body back? I felt so dead inside. I didn't know how to operate in this body. I couldn't feel the blood inside of me. I couldn't see myself when I looked into the mirror. And this drug addiction, this need for alcohol, that was burning inside of me, was too hard to control and I didn't want to give in. That wasn't the straight edge way. To give up to alcohol but I knew how it tasted…I knew how sweet that thick liquid was…

I was sick.

* * *

That morning, as I woke up, I realized that Mark wasn't there and that made me sigh with relief as I drove towards the arena and what made me feel so depressed and so tortured was that no one cared that Phil was dead and even with my story, explaining it in the most graphic way possible, no one believed me and everyone thought that the car accident must've really gotten to my head and Matt kept coming in my room and giving me water and I hated this. I hated that he showed so much care for Jeff and I suddenly envied the relationship he had with Jeff, how much he cared about him and I've never lived this way before and I didn't want to start right now. Matt even said that he might put in a little alcohol just so I can be tempted to drink it and when I refused, that seemed to shock him.

It shocked me too.

I was so addicted to wanting a drink.

I would've done anything and I found it so hard to restrain myself. It was like having the brightest rainbow in your reach but you forced yourself not to touch the sky and it was like waking up from the best dream of your life and it was like yesterday with Mark, the way I felt as he slept beside me, the erection I had and I knew that this wasn't me. That this was all that dominant part of Jeff inside of me but I didn't want that anymore. I just wanted me. When Mark had asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch, I was screaming 'no' when Jeff was screaming 'yes' and as I walked back towards the hotel after that horrible day, the first thing I did was take a swig of Pepsi. It still didn't taste as good as it used to. He ruined my favorite drink for me. I just couldn't believe it.

I couldn't smile anymore.

Looking in the mirror and seeing this stranger.

I was never happy anymore. That accident had taken my happiness away from me and made me watch it crumple into pieces. How could this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this pain? I just wanted to breathe but I couldn't. I was trapped in this horrible world of Jeff's. Mark showed up in my hotel room somewhere around seven and he told me that he wanted to show me other Nightshifters he knew and I nodded my head. I wanted to see others struggling like me. I wanted to understand that I wasn't alone. I didn't want to be all alone in this crazed up fucked up world.

He took me to the hospital. All the patients were either into a deep coma or just dead.

I saw my body, my beautiful, cold body, shut eyes and the same ripped t-shirt I've worn the day of that car accident and seeing all those cuts and blood made my stomach churn but I remembered that this was just an illusion and that I was never really going to throw up. It was just the way that I looked. So torn and tattered. I didn't want to see it. I looked like a ragged teddy bear. I felt Mark's hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him and I knew that he was thinking of his happy, cheerful, always too happy go lucky Jeff and my stomach churned even harder. I wanted love and this wasn't fair. He only cared for Jeff.

Why did I care?

Was this me talking or was this that part of Jeff talking? Because surely, I've never been so jealous and envious in my entire life. The other Nightshifters were looking down as we did. This was too much. I couldn't handle all this pain. By the time that we were out of there, all I could feel was relief. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and Mark was right. I was so tired throughout the day but it made the need and want for alcohol and drugs lesser and that was just what I needed. When I was awake and alert, I craved the taste of alcohol but when I was tired and halfway asleep, all I wanted was a good night's sleep.

And now, in the hotel, underneath my sheets while Mark sat down next to me, I twisted my head to look at him. "Get away from here, Mark."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not Jeff and I don't need you around. I don't need you around me all the time like a sick puppy. I'm fine! Go away!" I snapped and Mark seemed to be so calm. He didn't snap or get angry. He was just as calm as ever.

"…but don't come running to me," he flatly responded and stood up to walk away.

I couldn't understand what he said until it was the middle of the night and I could see all those black solidified bodies all around us, scaring me and everywhere I looked, I was horrified. There were so many shadows and I thought that I was going to die. Those ruby eyes that glowed so mercilessly in the dark.

"_You're not one of us…you'll betray us all… Philip…"_

And Mark's voice from last night was repeating itself in my head.

"_**Go to sleep, Phil."**_

Mind manipulating me.

These shadows that seemed like black figures that walked by themselves. Horrifying. These eyes staring at me. Coldly. Wanting me to die for God knows what. "How-how do you know…?" I whimpered.

"_We see all, Philip."_

And somehow, I knew that at least one of them could see the future. That there was a dark horror that was waiting for me and knowing that, my stomach sloshed with acid and terror and fear. I wanted to fall asleep but I couldn't. I felt as if my eyes were glued to the shadows that were around me.

Why were they here…? Was I going to do something to the Nightshifters? How could I have betrayed them?

My head was spinning as I stared at the black ceiling and I could feel blood rising to my throat and before I could do anything, I threw up the blood that was stirring in my throat. I looked around and the shadows seemed to have all disappeared.

And staring down at the blood of mine…the blood that I spit out…made my nausea even harder and I felt pushed to throw up again but I didn't. That was that alcohol nausea that I felt at night. I rolled to my side and prayed to God even if I knew that my prayers wouldn't be answered.

What had I done to deserve this?

"God…please…don't do this to me…"

* * *

**I foreshadowed and I hope you like it. I know that the last bit doesn't seem to make sense now but it's supposed to be that way. You'll realize later when Taker explains it! :) Anyways, thanks for the reviews! I'm glad!**

**X Sam.**


	4. Command

**I had planned what I'm gonna do until Chapter 17 and until then, the plot isn't stirring. Yes, I know. This is a sorta beginning to that. I have so many ideas for this fic. This is like…a beginning to that. XD. but I'll try to make this as quick as possible. It's gonna be big but all of my stories are big. I know that in '**_**Torn'**_**, I have three climaxes. **_**At least**_**. **

**Beware my filler chapter.**

* * *

**Cha**_pt_er **Fo**_u_r

**Com**_ma_nd

* * *

That morning, I was tossing around in my bed and my heart was still thudding in my chest but I said nothing as the dense air was burning through me and my body was covered with the thick covers of the bed and as I had woken up, I had noticed the sweat that so badly covered my body.

The afternoon consisted of me trying to be in the gym and the nervousness that had built up when I sat down at one of the machines and tried to work, it was too much and I ended up falling flat on the floor, with sweat falling from my face and heart pounding in my chest. This body seemed impossible to control with my heart pounding so bad and my hair sweating so rapidly and my eyes scanned the room as the figure of Mark stepped in front of me.

A smirk covered his lips, "need any help, pet or could you handle yourself?"

"I can handle myself. I'm not Jeff," I huffed as I stood up and tried to calm myself down even if the nausea was still rolling in my stomach because of the pressure of this world, the pressure that was weighing me down too badly, and as I sat on the machine, I tried to exercise but my spine was ready to crack as I accidentally fell to the floor one more and it was like I was losing control of my entire body. My mind was racing and my heart was still pounding and I could barely breathe and I felt every piece of my body burning with skin. I looked at Mark's face and a grunt escaped my lips. "I don't want to hear it."

"Pet, you do realize that you're still new to this body, your mind isn't used to having this body and I'm gonna fix that," Mark helped me up and I struggled to my feet but soon, the posture was back and I could walk and breathe just right and soon, I looked at Mark, trying to understand my dysfunction when I tried to work out. "Come with me, pet."

He took me out towards the open world and the dullness of the world was too clear that I couldn't ignore it and now, my eyes were scanning through the open space as Mark sat down on a bench and plopped his elbow on his knees as he stared at me with those deep eyes and I walked towards him. "And so, what do I do now? What's my 'lesson'? How are you going to 'train' me?"

Mark stood up, holding my shoulders and I knew that he could feel the tension around my shoulders, the stress that made me held up, the knots of my body and he stared deep in my eyes before he nodded his head, "listen, pet, you're very stressed out and you need to lessen your stress."

"And that would help me how?"

Mark chuckled and looked down, explaining to me in the simplest of manners what was going on. "You just got a surgery. Your mind is still getting used to this body and this is taking up all of your energy and there's just so much a mind can take and so much a body can take and when you're pushed beyond that limit…this is what happens…and stress is a way to push yourself beyond that limit. Don't breakdown. If you breakdown, you're letting your body become Jeff's again and you don't want that, do you, pet? You need this body to work with your brain. Not against it. That will automatically send antibodies to your head and you're gonna be dead because of that if you don't help yourself. You have to be calm, Phil."

I nodded my head. "I can be calm."

"What's the first thing you do when you're stressed?"

"Get a bottle of Pepsi."

Mark grabbed onto my duffel bag and took it out of my back and he reached it to grab one of my freezing cold Pepsi bottle out of my bag and he opened it up. "I'm just gonna say a few things and you reach out for the bottle. I'm gonna stress you out and see how you act. Try to control yourself, pet."

I nodded my head silently.

He leaned in to my ear, his cold breath pressing against my skin, "worthless, are you not, pet?" I knew he was acting but that didn't make the words sting any lesser than usual. "Do you not know that you can't tell anyone that you're a Nightshifter? That you're supposed to hide yourself to the rest of the world around you until you crack and break, sweetheart? And you're in Hell, aren't you…? No one understands you, do they? Huh, pet? Pet?"

My slowly pacing heart was now pounding so badly in my chest.

My brains were ready to blow out of my head.

My blood was stirring into my veins and my arteries and I couldn't breathe. Acidic blood was burning my arteries and veins and I was ready to drop dead and my head was already blowing up and—

My skin was infusing with my blood.

My hair was suffusing with my sweat.

I tried to concentrate on the task. _Just fucking reach out for the bottle _but I couldn't_. _In that moment, I didn't control my body. In that moment, I didn't even think I could move my body as I dropped to my knees and I was ready to rip my hair out and my heart was still pounding so bad and the blood was still burning down my holes and screams were erupting from my mouth and—

Mark cupped his hand over my mouth and I hardened underneath that as this scent was smothering in my nose as I slowly calmed down. And my slowly pounding head subsided into nothing and my heart subsided into nothing at all and his hand was holding onto my shoulder as he leaned down towards me. "Pet?"

"I-I can't control my body."

That sentence made everything.

If I couldn't control my own body, then what could I control? I twisted my head away and I pounded my fists towards the floor. "I want my body, Mark! I'm serious! What the hell is this? It's the first time I have to be trained to figure out how to move my own hands! What the hell is this?! Why—?" my voice was cracking. And I knew, that even a newborn, had complete controls of where he waved his tiny hands around but—but I didn't. I didn't even have this simple thing and that was proven to be too much for me.

I can't command my body to do what I want. It was controlling itself. And I didn't know how to push the buttons.

"Calm down, pet."

I stood up, brushing my clothing—and it wasn't even my clothing, all Jeff's, his hair, his eyes, his face, his everything—and I fucking hated it. How would you like it if you lived into the body of your own enemy forever? I wanted to be home. I wanted to go home… I wanted to breathe.

Why…?

* * *

**I love each and every review you give me. As you know. So review, please.  
**

**X Sam.**


	5. Young

**So more about the Nightshifters!**

**I love this so much. I lovies all of you, my reviewers! :) Can't resist you guys! You're all **_**awesome**_**! Almost as awesome as Mizzy. **_**Almost**_**. ;) **

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **F**_iv_e

**Yo**_un_g

* * *

"I find the Nightshifters pretty fascinating because when you're one of them, you know how to be into another person's body. You know how it feels to be said person, to feel the blood, the heart pumping, the pure lividness of his soul, the pure love and affection inside of him, you'd know his thoughts, how much he cares about the people around him, how much he knows and the more you know about someone, the closer you are to them and right now, you're going to be so close to Jeff."

So close to Jeff.

The thought sickened me, stirred in my blood and I wanted to throw up at the thought of being 'close to Jeffery Nero Hardy' of all fucking people.

"And there's the fact that some people can't take the bodies they're in. For example, like you. Since you're straight edge, you can't handle Jeff's body which is used to burning heroin inside of the blood or cocaine or vicodin…and this is why you find it hard to live on Jeff's body. Because you refuse to give your body what it wants and it's messing with your brain. You feel as if you've had this addiction all along, right?"

I nodded my head, as simple as that.

"These people that are unhappy can have another person's body. See? For example, let's say that Person A wants to exchange with you because he sees your body more fitting and Person A is straight edge so you may be able to switch your bodies to be more comfortable in your positions. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head another time.

We were in the hospital again.

He was explaining to me and he was showing me around to the other Nightshifters there were and none of them looked like the other, all so many different races and religions and I twisted my head to look at Mark who was holding my shoulder and staring at me and I managed to let a weak smile curve at my lips even if I didn't want to smile.

"Do you want a body from any of them? It's a risky surgery but if you think that you can function in anyone else's body easier than…"

I stared at him, confused and he knew what little piece of information I wanted. How 'risky' this surgery was. "You could die in it. It's as dangerous as sticking a needle into someone's liver. You can die right there on the table."

I shook my head. "Haven't you been hearing anything I've said? I don't want anything but my fucking life back. I want my body. I want my life. I want to be Phil Brooks, not Jeff heroin addict Hardy. I want to be me…" I sniffed, causing all the mucus of my nose to go back inside of my body and I didn't care. I just wanted to go home. To my body. Where everything felt right.

In this body, the arms felt so frail. As if anyone could snap them. In this body, the face felt as if it was a mask inside of a face, rigid and plastered. In this body, these eyes were giving me slight hazy visions that Mark explained was because of the serious doses of cocaine that Jeff used to take every hour of the hour and in this body, this hair was so irritating. It felt like straw. I liked tugging at it and I wanted to chop it all off but Mark told me to wait a while, just in case Jeff woke up but Jeff's brain was completely smashed as the Doctor said. He wouldn't be back.

In this body, these lips were too chapped. In this body, I picked and played at the bloody ear just because of the earrings he had worn before and in this body, my stomach was always aching and my legs were always ready to give away and I was always ready to fall—and in this body, I could feel every pump of his heart, the tick tock of the clock, ready to tell me that my time will be up too soon…

_I CAN'T TAKE IT._

_WHY?!_

I was ready to bust my head but oh great, just before I could, Mark had suggested we'd go back to the hotel and I was so happy to get out of there that I might've danced on the ride home. I wanted to get away from that prison that made me insecure about who I was but in the same sense, I knew I wasn't alone when I walked in there…then why was this feeling of being alone tugging at me so violently?

Ripping my heart.

Shreds.

Pieces on the floor.

Nothing left me.

Shards.

…unwanted.

I sat on my bed right now, the bed of the hotel, and I waited for Mark to get out so I can go into the bathroom and brush my teeth and just as I was there, I shifted from my usual clothing to my pajamas and this was something I never used to do in my own body. In my own body, I would just collapse on my bed and this was because I was so tired and I didn't even like pajamas but the thick cotton was calling to me, the blackness of the cloth was pressing against my body oh so tightly but I didn't care as I crawled into bed next to Mark, his hand ran down my face. A smile on his face. "You better get to sleep, pet."

"It doesn't matter." I twisted my head away from me. "I'd just wake up tomorrow and pretend not to be tired as I walk towards the bathroom and do my morning bidding and hear everyone say 'oh, it's Jeff Hardy' and I'll pretend to hear people care about CM Punk. Typically."

"Not all people hate you."

"But no one cares that I'm—Jeff's—dead! Dammit, this thing is so fucking confusing! I wanna go back in time and stop this from happening but hey, this is life and it's all supposed to be fucked up!" I exclaimed and my throat went dry and it ached so badly. I wanted to breathe.

But I couldn't.

It hurt.

It hurt to think.

It hurt to live.

It hurt to smile.

It hurt to frown.

_EVERYTHING HURT!_

"You're so young. You shouldn't be thinking these black thoughts, pet. You're so young…"

"When will I ever be old enough to know that the world is just crazy and I'm stuck in it?" I tried to stand up but I was too tired and got knocked back down onto the bed, on his lap and I didn't care. I didn't want to move. "You want to know what I learned about the Nightshifters? That they're all messed up. I'm in _Jeff Hardy's_ body and I'm thinking _my_ thoughts while I'm craving _cocaine_ and I always feel like throwing up imaginary _vomit_—I'm just so happy! Yeah…so happy…" my voice cracked towards the end.

"You wanna know what I think about the Nightshifters? I always feel like calling my mother and saying 'sorry, Mom, but I got into a car accident with my worst enemy and now, I'm living in his body and I'm craving drugs like hell but I still try to remain straight edge in a body that isn't straight edge?' What the hell is this?! Why am I still here? You know how freaky that sounds even to me? It's all fucked up! EVERYTHING! I would give in but I can't even give in right!"

My throat hurt even more.

My head was pounding.

…shockers, I still didn't care.

"Go to sleep, pet."

"Useless…sleep is useless…" but my heavy eyelids slowly gave away and I fell asleep onto the Deadman's lap. Oh, I must be so lucky to be in this horrible world. Oh, I must be so lucky to be alive. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to breathe. But I can't. I still can't.

Was it so damn hard to breathe?

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this. Review??**

**X Sam. **


	6. Eyes

**More about the Nightshifters. Ha, I know it's a weird story but I like being original. :P**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **S**_i_x

**E**_y_es

* * *

No red eyes today.

No shadows.

Nothing telling me that I betrayed.

I was only glad and when Mark noticed this, I only wished that I didn't care much for those haunting figures of the night…where they scared of Mark or did they want to scare me or were there things I could only see? I shook my head. All of them seemed too insane to be real. I almost chortled at all of them but then again, who would believe that I was truly Phil Brooks in Jeff Hardy's body?

"Why so happy? Yesterday, you were very pessimistic."

Yes, yesterday, I was emo and I still was that emo bitch I was yesterday. Nothing had changed except for the fact that I was slightly cheerful at the lack of presence of those red eyes and those black shadows that had truly scared me to death that one night and to think of it, it had been two days—had I been hallucinating? Was this a sign of those drugs that Jeff had been taking?

"I still am. Just that those eyes weren't following me anymore. You know, red eyes, black shadows…I think I made them up."

Mark's eyes widened. "Madison."

"Madison?" I repeated, confused to how Mark had known it was specifically that girl, whoever she was.

"Madison…she didn't have a last name. From what we knew, she just came out of nowhere, and she was a Nightshifter and she had a special power that made her able to turn herself into a shadow like creature and she used this to her advantage, killing people she didn't like—people that were 'on her list' and once you made it to the list, you were officially dead. She had a bunch of Nightshifters that she forced to become in her little cult. She's known for wearing a ruby necklace and wearing only black, her eyes were usually black except for when she was angry, then they turned into a shade of red and her imperfections stood out. She had a French dot under her lips. That was why anyone around here with that French dot under her/his lips were or too many freckles had to be taken special care of. Those types of people Madison loved since they looked alike to her.

"Those 'shadows' you saw were nothing but Nightshifters were a bunch of special powers. There's Dylan, who had an ability to see in the future, that's why they might say some things you may not understand now…that you will understand later. There's Naomi, who has an ability of telepathy. She reads minds and she's useful because she knows what are your most fears. Besides Dylan and Naomi, there used to be one other Nightshifter…I forgot. I think he left long before any of them could manipulate them further…I forgot his name because he wasn't well known."

I blinked. Once. Twice. "So…those shadows were after me?"

"Yes. And you should've told me this earlier. These people are horrible and they can easily manipulate you."

"I just don't understand one thing," I was still sinking in all this information he'd given me about Madison, Naomi and Dylan and just as I had absorbed these pieces of information, I sucked in a short breath. "How can they have powers? I mean isn't that like…too supernatural?"

Mark shook his head at me. "Actually, pet, all of the Nightshifters have powers. Each of them just has to figure it out though. The mixture of dead cells and living cells that combine in your brain would give you an abnormal ability that may be either good or bad. For example, Naomi's little sister, Nadine, kills anyone she touches, just because the mixture of the dead skin cells and the living ones caused her skin to be poisonous and this is why the poor six year old child is forced to wear a type of special skin to protect others from dying at her touch."

I stared at him, and shook my head, still unable to believe the horror that I was hearing. "Six years old?" I couldn't handle this Nightshifter business and I was thirty damn years old, though a child by the age of six can handle it better than I could…? I shook my head. That child would live in such misery and desolation in her life and knowing that she could never experience things like a normal human could, knowing that she may never have a boy or a girl love her the way they're supposed to because they couldn't touch her…that drove me insane.

"Yes, six years old." Mark repeated and his eyes were solemn and serious and Mark sighed. "This world really is fucked up."

I nodded my head, in agreement and I wanted to laugh because a week ago, I would have laughed at myself for even considering believing anything Mark said but now, everything was in front of me, everything was so clear and everything was so damn horrifying. I didn't want this.

"Do I have a power?"

Mark nodded his head. "Just that we need to figure that part out too. And I need to get you away from Madison. You will not believe all the wrong this girl had done. And her list never ends. She keeps adding more and more…"

"Why don't you just kill her?"

Mark laughed and shook his head. "The only way to kill her is to kill the people that are on her list, all of them and when the list is over, she swore that she'll kill herself since her life was supposed to be complete."

"But," I continued. "She never finishes the list since she keeps adding more people."

Mark nodded his head at me as a weak smile stretched on his skin. "Exactly, pet. And since there's a possibility that you may be on that list, I'm taking you far away from her. I'm not going to let her touch you." He growled and in that way, I felt protected. As if he really cared if I was protected or not but I felt that way. I felt like he was really going to protect me.

"Ready for another session, pet?"

I nodded my head and sat down onto his and mine's bed, just now, noticing that I was standing all along and now, looking at each other, I could seriously felt this connection of him. He was a security blanket now for me. He protected me. And that was all I needed for now. A reason that I didn't care that he called me pet anymore. I was his pet. He sheltered me. He taught me.

I really didn't care.

Mark opened up the bottle of Pepsi and sat it down on the glass table next to me and then, he just started stressing me out. "So, _Jeff_," that was what I hated most. He called me Jeff instead of me. I hated this so damn much. "If you hate life so much, why don't you just give up…?"

I felt my lower lip quiver and I extended my head, trying to control my suddenly twitching body and my body was feeling this sense of nausea and this was no longer my body but I tried to reach out for the can of Pepsi that settled on the table. "When no one cares about you?" Mark had only worsened it and tiny tears were gathering at my eyes and I hated being in Jeff's body. I was so damn weak!

I closed my eyes, trying to regain control but I couldn't and I could barely reach for the can of Pepsi.

"When no one loves you?"

I couldn't take it then and I slammed my fists towards the table, panting and staring at him, truly with an exploding head and a suffering heart. I couldn't handle all this stress that was now bubbling inside of my body. This session wasn't giving me control of my body at all. If anything, it showed how out of control I was. How fast I was spinning in this circle until I got completely dizzy and nauseous.

That was when I did what I did.

I wrapped my arms around Mark's neck and I pushed my mouth towards his and the shocking thing was that how he felt against me, the warmth of his body, the way his body fitted with my body…the way his body fitted with _Jeff's_ body…how he felt against _Jeff's_ body… and I pulled out of the too passionate kiss and stared at him, seeing the heat that was in his body and I knew that he couldn't see Phil anymore. Just Jeff.

"Do you really not care about me?" I said, too breathless for the words that were falling out of my mouth.

"I care." He swore. "I swear I care."

"No! No! No!" I suddenly had the control back up as I stepped away from him and I knew that he finally realized the situation that he was in, that I was Phil and I twisted my head at him and shook my head. This was all so fucked up. This wasn't how this 'fairytale' was supposed to begin or end or anything. "Get out of here, Mark! I think to think!"

"Can-"

"GET OUT!"

That response was completely Jeff's.

The tears that were still in my eyes and the way my body shook as I watched him walk out and leave me alone and then I dropped to my knees and I felt as if it was a routine as I let the tears fall.

"_Matty, come and get me."_

"_Where are you?"_

"_I-I'm at Mark's house."_

"_I told you not to speak to him, Jeff."_

"_I love him."_

"_He doesn't fucking care."_

"_I know he does! Just get me!"_

"_Did he make you cry again…?"_

Those memories that weren't even mine anymore as I registered them in my mind. I sobbed recklessly and pounded my head towards the floor, feeling the impact of the hit flow through every vein in my head as I took those sharp and short breaths.

I could only see Matt's eyes right now.

I wanted to call Matt but then again, what the hell did he know? I wasn't Jeff Hardy but I was slowly turning into him. His habits and it wouldn't be long until I take my first sip of alcohol and snort my first batch of pot and—it won't be long until I submit to this dark desires of this body.

Oh great. I just can't wait. I really did want to give into this body. I really did want Jeff Hardy to control me. Don't think my voice is bitter.

I'm bitter…

* * *

**I hate my OC's. Now I have to make myself character profiles...*snores* Review??**

**X Sam.**


	7. Now

**Fine. Fine. **_**Browngirlwrites**_**, I'm updating on your story! XD. **

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **Se**_ve_n

**N**_o_w

* * *

That next day was horrible.

I lived on the bed, just feeling empty without Mark's weight on the other side of the bed and the only time I had stood up was to get lunch but otherwise, I hadn't eaten breakfast and dinner and that feeling of throwing up was always there, the nausea that bubbling through me, was always there, annoying me, pushing me to my fullest limit and as I walked inside of the bathroom, ready to throw up, I knew that Mark said that I'd never actually throw up, that this was all such an illusion but it hurt. I felt so damn nauseous all the time and I wanted this nauseous to end. I felt like I was being pressed down, as if my brain was going to explode and the only way this ended was if I fell asleep and in the morning, I'd wake up with a headache because Jeff was so damn used to hangovers. I got all of the pain of drugs and alcohol but not the pleasure of drinking it and snorting whatever he snorted and this was so unfair.

Rolling and tossing around in sheets, I was almost begging Mark in my head but I refused to walk out. Today, the pain and agony and nausea was all too much and when I heard the door knock, I just opened it and when I had seen Mark, I allowed my tired body to fall into his arms and he simply nodded knowingly. "Today's Sunday. Usually, Jeff goes out Saturday and gets himself to all sorts of trouble but this will go away by the beginning of tomorrow. Don't worry."

"You mean I'll feel this way _every_ Saturday?" my eyes widened and Mark nodded this head and this almost caused me to cry as Mark helped me towards my bed and laid me down, covering my body with a blanket and for a moment, I felt the pain lessen before it had gotten worse again and I let out a groan. I couldn't handle this and Mark suggested pain killers but I shook my head and laid my head on my shoulder. "Do you and Jeff get into a lot of fights? I keep having these…memories of Jeff's…and you don't seem like the happy couple you are in the Smackdown arena."

He shook his head and pursed his lips into a tight line. "Actually, we get into a lot of fights. Jeff doesn't want to get married to me and that upsets me and I keep mentioning it too much and the young boy just gets frustrated very fast and sometimes, he makes it seem like I'm the bad guy. He spends a lot of time with Matt. He opens up to him while you…you seem to be a mystery. You don't want the pain yet you don't want to numb it. You seem so simple yet so complicated…"

"I like being a mystery." I snapped at him. "And I'm not much of a mystery. I just seem that way to you because you don't know me. And no one really does so that's why I'm such a puzzle."

It was the truth.

No one cared much for me. Everyone was all for drug addict supposed to be in jail Jeff fucking Hardy.

"Come to me." He reached his arms out for me and I was still confused about what he wanted to do to me and I slowly shook my head but his eyes remained calm and fixed on my face. "Come to me, pet."

I slowly nodded my head and walked towards him and just as I was close to me, he smiled in satisfaction. "Good. You obey me. Just like any pet should obey his Master." My smile dropped because I was exhausted and he was bringing this up of all things—I just wanted this all to fade away. The pain, the frustration…

Silence.

So much silence.

"I can't take it anymore."

That caught Mark off guard as I stared at him with those green eyes I could see in the mirror, those green eyes that never and will never belong to me. That belonged solely to Jeff Hardy. And my lips quivered and my heart was bleeding on the inside.

"I need alcohol."

It was too much. I couldn't get rid of this need. I couldn't get rid of this strong need for alcohol. I just couldn't.

I wanted to so bad.

I wanted it all to end.

The horror. The fear. The pain. This horrifying horror movie that always replayed itself at the back of my head. I wanted it all to end! Why did this have to happen to me?! Why couldn't it happen to anyone else?

W-w-why me…?

My mind flashed to the rest of the Nightshifters as I slammed my hands towards to bed and my breaths were so short and sharp and—

W-w-why us…?

The six year old girl, Nadine…at the back of my head…

"I SWEAR! I can't take it anymore! I want to be straight edge for life. I _swore_ I would be straight edge for life but you know what?! If this gets any worse, I'm going to kill myself. I am straight edge for life…and my damn body isn't…do you know how stupid and fucked up this all us?! I'm straight edge but my body isn't?! WHERE DO YOU HEAR THAT?! I-I-"I was just so tired as my eyes slowly turned into slits and I could barely see his face. "You know those red eyed figures…?" my voice was softer now.

"Madison. Naomi. Madison."

I nodded my head. "They said that I'll betray them… no one loves me. No one cares…" I whispered these thoughts that were battling in my head, exploding and destroying through my body.

Breaking me.

"We'll get through this, pet. Just go to sleep…"

I nodded my head but I knew that it would never be okay. Every day, this seemed to be getting worse and worse. Every moment. Every second. It just got worse and worse as the time just passed, trickled.

Right now, I just hated it all.

In the middle of the night, I grabbed onto the phone and called Matt and just when I heard his voice, comfort was flooding through every particles of my blood and console was bubbling through my body. "Hello, Jeff? Are you okay? Are you still with Mark?"

"…Matt, I-it's not Jeff. It's Phil."

"Not this story again."

"Just listen to me."

Just then, it snapped to me that I couldn't tell Matt about the Nightshifters, Mark wouldn't appreciate it. I knew that these people were sacred and they weren't supposed to be known. That no one really knew about them.

"…nothing. I need to go."

"Jeff? Just before you go. I know you've been acting weird and all, but…I love you…"

"I love you, too."

I snapped the phone shut and let the tears flow. I could finally understand what was the meaning of being close. The way that I felt with Matt, when I was talking to him, as Jeff had talked to him a million times, a million conversations in my head, filled with chortles and giggles and tears and pain and laughter and joy—everything. I wanted that. I wanted that for me and for Mike…except that he cared about me as much as I cared about Jeff damn him Hardy.

* * *

**Review??**

**X Sam. **


	8. Wrong

**I gotta tell you guys, today, I said I'd write out the entire planner for this, all chapters, and I finished so I know exactly what to do each and every chapter. I'm pleased so far…so yeah…**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **Ei**_gh_t  
**Wr**_on_g

* * *

It was that hospital scene again.

I watched my body, I stared at the other bodies and I was just so silent, Mark and I hadn't talked and every time I even glanced at him, I blushed. It was more of Jeff than it was of me but I couldn't help it and the silence was suffocating me. I could finally understand why Mike 'The Miz' Mizanin couldn't even stay silent for a moment, it was haunting, it was horrible…it drove my mind to destruction and horror, the desolation of the past still haunted me all too badly—and the fact that I was still here, still in this body, made me feel sick. I wanted and needed alcohol and it wasn't fair. It still wasn't fair that I tried to remain straightedge in a body that wasn't even straightedge.

Just as Mark and I were about to leave, he had grabbed the collar of my—Jeff's—red jersey and I turned around to face him, wanting him to see the true me underneath the mask that was Jeff, and hoping that he didn't pretend I was Jeff and use me—I just always had this feeling that he'd take me as a replacement Jeff. Always. It was somehow inevitable. I looked like him. I sounded like him. I smelt like him. I breathed in his body. Yet I wasn't him. It wasn't fair for both of us.

He leaned down and then he pressed his lips against mine.

The taste of him. The smell of him. How he fit against me, how he held onto my face as his tongue played in my mouth—it was all too much, it was enough for me to die on the inside, enough for my life to decay and I kissed back. I didn't care if Mark was Jeff's—Jeff's brain was smashed up, he was gone…nothing was left but me and him and I wanted this to happen.

Yet I wasn't sure if this was me or Jeff reacting to the kiss.

I had forgotten who I was.

The CM Punk, the Phil Brooks of me, was gone. I was left pretending to be something, anything, else other than who I really was and my identity had writhed away like a rose, black and dead, nothing left, just on the floor until someone stepped on her and destroyed her.

He pulled back and I stared into those eyes. "Jeff's dead." He finally announced. "And you're here, pet."

I took in the information I had already known before nodding my head. "D-do you want to—get together with me?" the shock was there. I knew it was. I had thought that he might want to get together with me eventually but not this quickly, and my heart had quickened as my pulse sped and I stared into those eyes before I nodded to him and he leaned down to capture my lips into a kiss once more, it wasn't chaste, it was long, passionate and I felt every emotion bubbling in me explode.

"W-what the hell?!"

That voice. Was it mine?

I pulled back and searched the room for the voice, only to see that the vision of my nightmare was sitting up, with a battered body and hazel eyes, with an open chapped pink mouth and pale cracked skin, it was me. Most importantly, it was Jeff. _Jeff was awake. Jeff saw us_. My heart quickened even harder, it was ready to burst out of my chest from the sheer speed that it was running at. I stared at him and he stared at me, in confusion as he held his head in his hands and Mark walked over to him and tried to explain everything while I stood there.

What the hell?!

I was sure that right now, I was screaming these words. On the inside. How could God do this to me?! The only thing I ever wanted, Mark Calaway, and when I'd already gotten him, he'd been ripped apart from me. It was unfair. It was as you were dying from thirst and you were just given the coldest glass of water but it was suddenly ripped away from your hands before you could even drink it.

Why…?

When Mark had explained things to Jeff, Jeff stared at me. Those eyes that used to be mine, that face that used to be mine, all mine, mine, mine, was now Jeff's. I started to walk off and I heard Mark call me.

"Where are you going, pet?"

"HOME!" I was angry. I was powered by the anger inside of me.

"Pet!"

"I wanna be alone!"

I finally had Mark Calaway and in moments, he'd been ripped away from me. And I tried to get my thoughts straight, this wasn't me talking. This was Jeff talking and it was strong. It was so damn strong. I stood there, in the middle of the street, holding onto a pole, with thoughts running through my head and God, how I wanted to die. It seemed like no one liked me. It seemed like nothing I ever wanted was in reach.

It seemed like I was wrong for existing.

All I knew was that I wanted my body again.

I wanted to be Phil Brooks again.

And nothing was going to stop me from getting my old life back…

* * *

**Reviews are much appreciated.**

**X Sam.**


	9. Believe

**Sorry for the long wait, lovelies! I always write chapters away from my notebook! And I can't write chapters for this story without my notebook. Hopefully, the next few chapters wouldn't take so long! Okay? **

* * *

**Cha**pt_er_ **Ni**n_e_

**Be**lie_ve_

* * *

I won't believe it.

The only time that Mark finally accepted me, finally felt like Jeff was never going to wake up and kissed me, was the exact time that Jeff woke up. What did God have against me? Why can't I be with Mark? Why did this have to fucking happen and ruin everything? I just—I—my head was going to explode. I just wanted to lie down right now. I was sitting on my bed, wrapping my hair back into a bun, a habit that was too much of Jeff's and I laid down on my bed, closing the lights so my eyes would never have to meet with that body and suffocating my nose inside of the pillow, smelling nothing but the scent of the pillow. I tried to push away the thoughts of a bottle of whiskey making this all better.

I just wanted my body back.

And now, I could get it.

My precious body.

As battered as it was right now.

It was still home.

I wanted it.

I wanted it so bad.

* * *

When I told Mark this, he just laughed. He laughed in front of my face and I felt useless. This was only hours after I had left the hospital. I just couldn't fall asleep. This urge in me was too bad. Phil—Jeff—whoever was still on the hospital bed, staring at us with intense eyes—have my eyes always been this intense or did Jeff have this glare that only belonged to him?

I didn't know.

He had given us a warning. "Pet, your body is in such a critical state right now. Jeff can't even move without feeling pain. If we do a surgery, there's a big chance that you might die during so. Jeff has a high chance of survival while you have such a low chance of survival, pet. We need to make sure he's healed enough for this to happen, is that alright, pet?"

I was staring at him. I couldn't wait that long. I knew that going back to my old body would make both our lives hard. Since both Jeff and I could die but I couldn't survive on that body for long…I just knew it. From the way it looked like. The tattered flesh… then that bitch just had to open his mouth.

"Come give me a kiss, Mark, 'Jeff cooed and I stared. I just stared at him as Jeff's—my—arms wrapped around Mark's waist, Jeff's head onto Mark's hip, that little bitch! He can't do that! He just can't!

"Oh, Jeff, love, you know that I'd love to do that but you're in Phil's body. That would feel like cheating."

Jeff's eyes turned blazing angry now, and I could see that. I knew my facial expression. I knew them all too well. "Well, then, when you and Phil were kissing by the doorway, was that cheating or not?"

"I thought you were dead, love. That was different." Mark cupped Jeff's cheek, trying to calm him down.

Something just went off that moment, just touched me, pushed my buttons, everything. I just stared at him and the words just flew out of my mouth so fluently, I couldn't stop them—but I meant every word I said. "He's just a little bitch, Mark. He just wants you to protect him and for the sex. It's not for anything else. You're giving yourself to a total whore."

Jeff stood up, almost ready to fall as his eyes burned and Mark wanted to hold him back, I could see that but when he tried to, Jeff always pushed him off and Jeff had a hard time coming towards me and when we were eye to eye, face to face, he let his words fall, with bitter coldness, 'at least I can love."

And that was true.

I twisted my head away and held my head in my hands, letting my body shake and I tried not to cry. Then that was when I felt Jeff's weak hand touch my back and I knew that he didn't mean to hurt me that hard but then again, I didn't know why but being in this body made me vulnerable, fragile, and easily able to cry. I hated it. I hated being so weak when I used to be so strong, so confident, and now…my image was shattered. Nothing left but memories of my past that weren't even in my head anymore. I just—

I won't believe it.

I just ran off and I heard Mark calling me.

"Pet!"

The tears continued to roll down and I felt so childish for running off but I wasn't controlling my body. It was the stress that was weighing me down—this was a Jeff response. Not a Phil one. I wouldn't run away. I wouldn't be so damn afraid. This wasn't me. This was Jeff. And I hated him even more.

Even in the distance, I could hear him call me "Phil!" so muffled.

When I had gotten away, I went into a cab, let my head press against the cold thick glass and not soon was I in the hotel room, throwing off the covers and laying in bed again, turning off the lights and letting my hair come in my vision. This body just wasn't right. I just wanted—I wanted more than this body.

I wanted…I wanted to be me again.

Was it so hard to ask for to be yourself?

I never asked for anything too severe—marriage, children, a lovely house, a dog, a perfect life—I just wanted my own body back. I just wanted that. I didn't care. Jeff could have Mark for all he can. These feelings would go away when I was back in my body and I wouldn't have to suffer this heartache ever again.

His words still echoed.

"_At least I can love."_

* * *

**At this rate, Phil is never gonna get preggers. XD.**

**X Sam.**


	10. Safe

**Yay! Update! Mostly because Areesha was bothering me. XP.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_ **T**e_n_

**S**af_e_

* * *

Mark Calaway.

I couldn't stop thinking about him this month. His eyes, his hair, his skin, his face, his body, everything...he controlled my sheer existence. Did you know how sad that was? To be completely and utterly controlled by someone? Mind and body? Spirit and heart? I couldn't think of it. I couldn't possibly think of a way to get out of it. These feelings I had, they weren't just crush-like, they were strong, as Jeff's memories sunk into my brain, Matt and him--and for a while, Matt Hardy didn't seem so damn bad either. Matt's round face, and solid brown eyes, they were giving me comfort instead of giving me disgust and as my brain overtook with thoughts of me, Phil, whoever, that person that was CM Punk, seemed so damn treacherous. It was so weird, being into another body, seeing the way they thought of you. After a while, Jeff's thoughts were completely and utterly right. They made sense. It was now not stupid to wear a skirt, but fun. It was now not bad to drink alcohol, but something I felt like I enjoyed.

What was happening to me?

My entire body was controlled.

My mind.

My soul.

My heart.

I couldn't tear away from the fact that I may not feel like myself ever again. He was controlling me too bad. He had a spell cast over me. It was frightening, to know one day, you'll wake up in someone else's body and start thinking their way, seeing things their way. The things I hated became the things I loved right now. The silly things that I used to utterly loathe, like getting up in the morning and taking time to do my hair and clothing and to make myself look pretty and presentable, were now my favorites. I could finally see why he spend so much damn time drawing.

I was drawing right now.

Lines of red.

Love.

Spiral of blue.

Mystery.

Colors splattered across.

Life.

Motion.

The paintings and drawings were more alive then me, and now, with the pencil, as I let it drape across the soft paper, I realized why I felt this way. I realized that I would never be comfortable in anything anymore. I felt as if it was okay to drink but at the same time, a voice inside of me that seemed to be coming of nowhere was stopping me, trying to snap me back into sense, that I hated alcohol, that I wasn't Jeff Hardy, that I was CM Punk and I hated what he loved and loved what he could only loathe. That I didn't sleep in frilly black skirts and thongs, that I didn't wake up to look myself at the mirror, that I knew no matter whatever I did...

I was ugly.

There was also the fact that I loathed pets.

But being in this body made me hug every cat and every dog I saw and the way I saw the world, it wasn't battered into eternal darkness, it was battered into colors and sound and motions and I was fucking scared of everything because it wasn't the way I usually saw things. I began to doubt myself, began to doubt what I believed in, began to doubt the fire I was raised in, the fire of my soul that I always turned to...

I was completely under this spell. This trance of horror.

There was nothing I could do to stop myself from being so engulfed into this.

Nothing.

And that was the fucking scariest part of them all.

* * *

Another session.

Jeff showed up in my clothing, as simple as that, and I showed up in mine. I looked down at his clothing, and my mind began to think, thoughts that weren't mine, thoughts that were utterly Jeff's, about how dead I looked. I didn't doubt it for a second. I knew that was true. I knew I looked like a corpse. That was always how I intended to look. Dead. Because nothing meant more than being dead.

Nothing meant more than being buried underneath the ground.

What was there to live for?

Happiness?

Love?

_"At least I can love."_

That wasn't the only thing that kept on bugging and tugging at me during the session. It was how Mark treated Jeff. With all that affection and attraction, smiling at his giggles and brushes his hand against his cheek, whispering words of love I never got to listen, who could've blamed me for being so jealous? I was childish. I was greedy on the inside. Driven by my own greed, I only did what I could think of doing.

I knew this was stupid but I had to do it.

I sucked in my breath and held my head in my hands, trying to remember the feeling of nausea, trying to feel nauseous before I pretended to fall down, faint, a breath escaping my lips, a pretend gasp. I could feel Mark shaking me but I tried to keep a straight face and I tried not to let my eyes pop open. I tried to go along with this pretending game and he held onto me, carried me, I could feel how strong he was. He hopped into the car and laid me down onto the car and I felt the car move. I felt the motion and that was truly making me nauseous as I tried to stay in the same position, same face, same barely breathing state. I opened my eyes, barely opening my eyes, groaning in my best puppy dog sound so that Mark would stop and look at me. His eyes were cold and solid.

"Pet, that was a dirty trick. I know that you were faking."

Humiliation seeped against my body, burning against me, making my entire body turn brilliant red and for a moment, I was unable to speak. I was too ashamed of myself. Why did I do such a stupid trick? I looked up at the car's ceiling. "Pet. Why are so attached to me?"

I stared at him.

It was a stupid question. He knew it. I knew it.

"Because it's Jeff's body. He has memories of you that I remember, 'sitting down against a tree, putting a strawberry in Jeff's mouth, kissing onto his nose, holding onto him, stroking every inch of his body and shoving his hand so softly down his back, just to make him relax, and that thought warmed me. The romantic atmosphere that was around, the look in his eyes, the calmness that was in me...those memories that didn't even belong to me, I cherished. I didn't even own any memories. I owned nothing. Not even the smallest memory in this body. "He has hormones. I feel horny around you. I know what you two did. I know how he feelings and it's strong. It's not something that I can ignore and push away and you should know that, no?"

He had given in.

Drove me back to the hotel.

It wasn't long until we were both in bed, and he held onto me while I thought of Jeff. "You not leaving him, are you? I mean, why are you with him?"

He chuckled and stared down at my body. "Three reasons, he doesn't have Nightshifters at his throat and there's also the fact that he's out like a light before we even get to the hotel, unlike you, who spends all night just tossing around and three, it would be suspicious to everyone if I just started touching and holding onto Phil. You know, today, when we came back, no one even asked him where he was. He felt...very useless, my poor doll."

I spun around. I could feel the tears bubbling in my eyes. "Poor him?! Poor me! He felt useless for one day! I get to feel useless all the time! Oh lucky me! Just because he gets hurt once, everyone swoons over and rescues him. He can't handle a day in my life because he knows it's tough! And you stand here and protect him because he's your one true love. Who's there to protect me? I have nothing! So don't you say 'my poor doll' to that pampered brat that's now asleep! He didn't and still doesn't have it as hard as I do! He doesn't know how I fucking feel! He doesn't know how useless I feel everyday. He doesn't know how I used to cry myself to sleep every night just because I felt dead on the inside. He doesn't know how it feels like to have a heart torn like mine. So don't go all 'my poor doll' on me because I know..." by that time, the tears were falling. It was so damn unfair. Everyone cared about him. Nobody cared about me. "I know..."

He didn't do anything. He didn't even move to help me.

"Typical." I mumbled underneath my breath.

It didn't take long for Mark to fall asleep and to wrap his hands around me, to hold me, and I felt completely misunderstood right now. No one cared. No one would ever care for me. I just knew. I also just knew that there was one fact that I wanted to push behind my head that night, that one fact that haunted me, as I stared at his sleeping peaceful face. I didn't like Mark. I didn't love him. These feelings inside of me, these butterflies that bubbling inside my stomach, so very violently and these daydreams I get whenever he was awake and I was staring into those dark pools of his eyes in which I get lost in for days...

I was completely and utterly, unfortunately, in love with Mark Calaway.

* * *

**Philllyyy...Poor thing. Review??**

**& yes, it would take a while for Phil to get pregnant, as noticed. A long while. I don't take my male pregnancy easily. Review & I'll speed up the time. XD. You see the jam they're in? It's not easy to write a sex scene with their situation. XD.**

**X Sam.**


	11. Ghost

**I was working on chapters for this story since yesterday. Yes, I am insane. XP.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter _**El**ev_en_

**Gh**os_t_

* * *

Today, I was finally going to be normal again.

Jeff couldn't wait. He just wanted his body again and I wanted the same and we never told Mark but we walked into the Doctor's office and demanded him to give us our bodies back and as usual, he told us of the risks, of the possibility of one of us dying and I truly didn't care at all. I just wanted my body back, to feel the same things I used to feel, to have my emotions back--I wanted this insanity to end.

It wasn't long before Mark had figured out our little scheme.

By that time, we were in the operation room.

I stared up at Mark, as he looked at Jeff, who didn't care and I didn't care either. We were doing this. We needed our bodies again. He just couldn't understand the hell I've been through in this body. I wanted memories. I wanted to own something again. I could see him watching as they had numbed us and I fell asleep after a while, as in all surgeries, and even with that, I could feel complete and utter pain, horrible pain in fact.

They left us to rest after hours of torture that seemed to never end.

I could feel my head pounding but it was my head. I knew it. I could feel my body, it felt perfectly but there was this craving, this craving that I wasn't used to. I just held my tongue back and felt my mushed up brain take place. I was trying to fall asleep but as always I couldn't. Jeff had woken up hours before me, bounced up enthusiastically, starting flirting and kissing Mark, I knew from the sounds they were making.

Jealous stirred in me. Acid burned.

I was just so tired.

At least when I was in Jeff's body, I had Mark.

I wanted to fake something once again, and when Mark had shook me, I grunted and groaned before letting my eyes open, my vision, my perfect clear vision, this body, my home. I would've cried. I wanted to cry. This was heaven. As if everything was back to normal except for a few things. I felt different for some odd reason. There was something nagging me. My throat was dry.

I didn't care.

I was just glad to see in these olive eyes that I've hated for so long.

I could feel a sad smile form on my lips.

"Phil?"

I just didn't know what made me say "who?"

But I went along with the entire thing. I pretended not to remember anything because then, then I could get him to stay, I could get him to truly look at how horrible my life was. I could get everyone to see the horror of being Phil Brooks, aka CM Punk, every single day. It was as if I was waiting for a time bomb in me to explode. I was waiting and counting the days I lived...waiting to die...

I was waiting for death to come.

I was waiting to close my eyes one last final time.

"This is interesting," Mark was talking to us both, trying to make us comprehend his fascination, 'Nightshifter surgeries are very, very successful. Even with that chance of death, no one had side effects. But you did."

"Huh?"

He laughed.

He believed me right now and when he pulled me away alone, it was to check if I could remember the things I learned and if I still had common sense, which of course, I had to tell I had. He had fallen for this little trick but how long could I keep this up before being completely and utterly exposed?

When he had taken us out for dinner, he had gotten me a tray by myself and made sure all my food was hot. It was nice to be cared for for once. Not always trying to take care of myself. This warm and fuzzy feeling that was inside me, I cherished every bit of it. This was new to me. This caring thing. I loved every minute of it. And I could see the pure jealousy that was in Jeff's eyes and on top of that, I looked horrible. I had blood still on me, dried blood all over me, my cuts were still there, my bruises were slowly healing and my scars were noticeable. He had told me that they will all fade in time.

Even with clear skin, I looked ugly.

Now, I just looked too ugly to be seen in public. No big difference.

"Mark, stop paying so much attention to him!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Oh no, Jeff, Phil is helpless. Look at him! Poor pet."

I let the warmth sink in me again. Those words had filled me with a sparked up joy the entire day and when he had taken Jeff to bed and when he was sure that Jeff was asleep, he'd come by and held me. I felt so secure. For so long, I had finally slept a full pledged sleep. I didn't wake up because of sounds. I loved the feel of Mark breathing against me. This, this simple things, they seemed like the world to me. They were the world to me. I hoped it never ended. Most times, I told myself that if it ended, I didn't know how I could fathom when I knew how this felt.

Please.

Don't let this end.

This ghost of my past still lived.

* * *

**Awww....that made me so damn sad when I wrote it. XP. If you feel Phil, then I did mah job. X3.**

**X Sam.**


	12. Book

**Thanks for the positive response. I love you all! X3.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_** Tw**el_ve_

**Bo**o_k_

_

* * *

_That morning, as I had woken up, that feeling in my throat was stronger.

I wanted, needed, had to have—alcohol. And I knew that this was either a side effect from being in Jeff's body too long or Jeff had soiled my perfect body. Reading a book about Nightshifters that Mark had given me, I realized that if it was a long lasting effect that meant that Jeff had soiled my body but I had to give it two weeks maximum before it went away. I pretended not to care.

But I did.

I meant, this was my body...

And I was still in no control of my broken, shattered life.

Mark took me and Jeff to the arena, and Mark tried to explain that I had amnesia, that I fell from over a cliff but no one cared. They just nodded their heads and walked off. No one even noticed my existence and afterwards, after sitting down and reading the book that Mark had given me, I looked at my watch and realized how fast time had passed. I put the book in my bag and walked over to my locker, opening it and looking through my belongings.

I looked at a picture of Jeff that was there. Jeff 'decorated' my locker.

"Damn bitch! I hate you! Alcoholic."

"Ohh…amnesia, huh?"

I turned around to face none other than Matthew Moore Hardy, who stood there, with a smirk on his face and I still felt this security when I looked at his face, as if he was my brother, as if I had known him all my life and he could keep a secret, and the way he moved, just gave me warmth but I could never look at him as a lover. I could only look at him as a brother, a close friend, thanks to the formation of Jeff's thoughts.

"What do you want?" I found myself spitting out.

He pushed me towards the lockers, letting his fingers play with my thighs, a smirk on his lips as he leaned down and pressed his lips against me and I couldn't explain the feeling. It truly was as if I had kissed my brother but I let him do that anyways. I didn't care. It wasn't rape since I didn't say anything quite about stopping and I liked the feeling of his lips against mine but I couldn't look at his face as he pampered my face, kissed me, licked my collarbone to taste the salty skin of mine, his tongues running along a few rough dry bloodied patches but he didn't seem to care. He moaned against me and that caused me to moan as well. He had taken off my shirt, slid it off my shoulders and stared at my physique. "For someone who's been in a car wreck, you look hot."

I felt color brush against my cheeks as I took off his own shirt and pants, letting them fall to the ground and I stared at his skin and before I could say anything, he pushed me to the wall again. It felt fun and it was fun but there was no sparks. I felt him tug my pants, tearing it off so that we were both standing there in boxers only. I had taken off my boots when I started reading the book and Matt had planned this all along so he wasn't wearing shoes. His hands were playing with the elastic of my boxers, tearing it down in one swift movement, I was fully naked and pressed to the wall. He had then taken off his, a smirk too visible to be ignored was on his face as he pressed me against the wall again, letting both of our already sweaty bodies meet as his cock pressed against my thigh, making me groan.

He didn't take much time before he told us to switch position.

He was now pressing against the wall and now, he took my waist and pushed me against him, making his cock dig into my ass, a groan escaped my lips. "Oh."

I just couldn't say his name. I had to think of anyone else. I couldn't think of Mark. That would be too embarrassing and I couldn't think of Matt, that would feel too wrong so as he pounded into me again, forcing my ass to feel his cock once more, I said the last name I'd ever think of, "Jeff."

Oh great. Now, he'd think that I had a crush on Jeff.

Just more to complicate this equation.

I heard him chuckle as he slid in and out of me, each thrust harder and faster than the other until he had came inside of me, forcing my tired body to come as well and now, both panting even if he did most of the work, I heard the sounds of two people. It didn't take long for us to see the two people that we both didn't want to see, Jeff and Mark, talking to each other playfully and when they had seen what was in front of them, we both flushed as we raced to wear our clothing, Jeff giggling and Mark just staring in shock.

I wore my clothes and ran to Mark, taking my bag and Matt smirked at us. "I got all I needed."

For some reason, I found that cute. These memories of him that were still vaguely replaying in my head, they still had a strong feeling in me, this warmth that he had given Jeff, it was beautiful...

That night, as Mark curled up to me in bed late at night, making my bed feel not too empty, I turned to him, a soft smile on my face as he brought up the subject of me and Matt and I just tried to dodge all questions, trying to talk about something else but he didn't want to talk about anything else. I hated the thought of me and Matt together, I thought he was sweet, honestly, but who would date their own brother? Because of Jeff, that was the only way I could see him. A brother. A close friend. But never, a love. Thinking that Matt had fucked me made me nauseous.

I fell asleep silently.

I was nothing but a book waiting to be figured out.

* * *

**Okay, who didn't see a _little _ChipMUNK coming? Hello! Biggest fan here if anyone hasn't noticed! XD. Don't worry. With the ending, it's gonna be Mark/Phil. X3. Also, if you are a ChipMUNK fan, I am making a site dedicated to them. I will you when it's over!! I want people to join. XD.**

**Weird. I'm saying this in a Punkertaker fic.  
**

**X Sam**


	13. Last

**I iz on a roll! Mostly because last night, I had been working on these. XD.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_ **Th**irte_en _

**L**as_t_

_

* * *

_Matt, Jeff, Mark and I are going to the park today.

It was a simple picnic that ruined my entire already confused life in one day and I knew it as well as the next person did. My life was already fucked up. I didn't need it to be this fucked up. I just couldn't understand why I was such a tool to be used.

As he ate a sandwich, Jeff turned to me with a smug smile on his face. "You know, Matt deserves better than you."

Matt and Mark were playing a game of chess that Mark was winning and I admired that about him, that he was so intelligent and so very loving, my heart melted and lividness burned as I stared into his face but it all tumbled down when I remembered that he was Jeff's and Jeff was his. Nothing was left for me but Matt, whom I did not see as a love interest at all. Matt may be sweet and lovable, but it was just too awkward, too wrong, with him.

We were both screaming at each other in moments.

"Why do you care so much? You have Mark. Why can't I have someone?"

Ironically. I didn't even want Matt. I just wanted him to shut up before my head exploded and the people's biggest problems would be taking out the trash. Not in care. They never cared for me.

"Matt deserves better than you! You know it!"

"Bitch! FUCKING SLUT!"

"Me? Slut? Oh yeah, says-"

That was when I felt Matt push me towards, the push was unexpected so I landed on top of Jeff, and with that, our lips met, but it wasn't anything passionate, after a moment, I moved away but I felt the brush of his lips against mine and Mark was staring at us coldly. Apparently, he hadn't seen Matt push us, otherwise he'd be glaring at Matt. He just moved off, furiously, mumbling curses underneath his breath.

Matt moved towards him, trying to calm him down but Mark was cursing too loud to hear a word he said and at some point, shoved Matt backwards so he hit a swing.

I stared at Jeff, as confusion pooled him but I knew it was all because of me. I had broken up a relationship that wasn't even mine and I felt so damn guilty about it instead of the joy I expected to have. Jeff and I walked towards his house and I sat down on the steps, he did too, on the porch, my head on his, both of our faces miserable but I knew that his misery was much more in a lower level than mine.

He didn't want to die like me.

I could see it in his eyes.

There was still a bit of life.

Mine died a long time ago.

I finally told him the truth. "When Matt was fucking me yesterday, I said your name by mistake."

He turned to me, his eyes solid and cold and in that moment, he slapped me so hard that I felt as if I was going to bleed and he continued to slap me, pushing me towards the floors of the steps and I stared up at him while a demon took over his eyes and spit was threatening to fall out of his mouth. "So Mark's fucking angry at me because Matt pushed you to me because he thought you liked me?! Oh swell! Oh great! I have such a perfect life!"

I stared at him, horrified.

I slapped him now and shook his shoulders. "You? Perfect life? Yes, you have the most perfect life, you spoiled little brat! You know me? I bang my head in the wall just to feel alive. I've never been to a wedding because I know I'm never going to get married. I've had trouble falling asleep since I was eight! I pretended to have fucking amnesia just so someone would care and you know what? Nobody cares about me. My family, who raised me, doesn't care. I could die and rot in Hell for all anyone would care and you know what? You're not like me! You're not counting every minute, every second the passed of your life because that's how pathetic I am!"

He stared at me, sympathy in his eyes. "Phil..."

"What are we going to do?"

"Revenge," was the only thing that came out of his mouth. At that time, it seemed like our best option. We'd ruin Matt like he ruined us. We'd batter him with our scalpel of pain and make him burn in our fire of misery.

We will fight.

Until the last piece of energy in us was gone and we could no longer breathe.

* * *

**Sad, no? XP.**

**Matt: isn't this supposed to be horror?**

**It will come soon! XD. Also, be prepared for some juiciness in the next chappie. *rubs hands* first appearance by Dylan!  
**

**X Sam.**


	14. Gentle

Here is another chappie, guys! X3.

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_ **Fo**urt_een_

**Ge**nt_le_

_

* * *

_Our plan backfired.

We tried to spike Matt's drink but when he pooled the contents of the drink into his glass, he realized the unusual reddish color and at the sight of my flushed red face, he knew that I had done it but Jeff was tan and Matt couldn't see the fact that he was blushing, unfortunately. He couldn't tell. Then, as he realized that Jeff was in on it too, at his giggling, he could put two pieces together. There was something in his eyes, a hint of realization sparked, and a smirk was on his face and now, I could feel my stomach wrench violently as he stood up on the bench and everyone stared.

"Oh, I've got something to say!"

Now, everyone was completely and utterly paying attention.

Matt's smirk widened, staring at me. "Guess what? Our darling Philip has, not a crush, is completely and utterly in love with Mark Calaway! You know? He keeps on staring at him and there's also the fact that he tries to hide it by saying Jeff's name when we fucked." Mark was now staring at me and I could feel my skin turn red and feverish at his words. "I have never seen anyone so desperate to keep his amnesia a secret, just because Mark takes care of him. Isn't that stupid? Don't you have like parents or someone? Oh no, you don't."

I couldn't hold on.

I just turned completely and utterly cherry red at his words and at the anger, I started shouting out my words. "What would you do when you've never felt happiness before in your life and you just saw it for the first time? This thing was my only drug! I had nothing more to live for. I spent my time crying and wishing I was dead! And whoa, why should I? I have the best people in the world to work with and you know what? You know what? Yes, I fucked Matt Hardy and I said Jeff's name because I didn't want to say Mark's! See! I'm a complete fucking slut!" I tore off my shirt, and pants, standing there only in my boxers.

As exposed as my heart felt.

Not a laugh.

"Oh, no one laughed! Haha, it's funny. Come on, laugh because I have no fucking feelings. That's what you think, no? Fine! Go ahead! Think this way! Because it's true! I have no feelings and I should be fucking dead! Go ahead! Laugh all you want..."

I let the tears roll off my cheeks and I sobbed. I sobbed and held my head in my hands as I felt two arms wrap around my waist and at the warmth and coldness of his arms, I knew it was Matt but I pulled off and stared at him in the eye. "Why do I need a hug? I'm worthless." Letting my tears still cascade down horribly, he just stared at me, horrified at my reaction, horrified at how pained I felt and when he reached for me again, I leaned down to wear my clothes and walk out of the room, no other words slipping off my mouth as I tried to remember the direction of my hotel.

I was cold.

I felt exposed.

I was exposed.

Why did I break down like that?

I felt something hold onto me, grab me hard, and squeeze me out. I tried to struggle but the grip was all too powerful and he was biting on my earlobe, basically tearing it off and when I looked into those dark horrible red eyes, my entire body just froze.

"Dylan."

The only male in the three.

He pushed me towards the alley and punched me as hard as he could on my stomach, making me groan and grunt in pain as pain burned through me. I was about to black out, the feel of his arm punch against my face, almost disconnecting my jaw from my face, but I held on a straight face and took the pain. The desolation of what he was going to do to me was horrible. He punched and kicked me several times until I finally saw blood pour and the way he punched, hard enough to break a steel box but I didn't say anything and took it, only groaning and grunting before I heard a voice.

"Phil!"

I only saw Dylan disappear before swirls overtook my vision and Matt raced over to me, sitting down and he put my hand over my forehead. "Phil, are you okay...?" he whispered towards me.

"Matt..."

I blacked out after that.

* * *

**I'm tired. Why do I continue to write?**

**I'm an idiot. XP.**

**X Sam.**


	15. Attention

**Long time no see, right? *runs off before getting hurt***

**Ahem…next chapter.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_** Fi**fte_en_

**Att**ent_ion_

* * *

That morning, when I woke up, I was in a huge blue bed and I snuggled in the comfortable environment before hearing Matt enter the room, a tray in his hands as he placed it on the bed and he had given me a mug of coffee I really needed. I drank silently as Matt stared at me, soft eyes, apologizing for everything, and I just drank and sipped silently, pushing every thought that was related to Mark aside and I put the mug down. Noticing that I was in fluffy blue pajamas, I smiled before continuing, eating off the plate. The food was tasteful, delicious…I just loved it.

Matt sat beside me as I pressed my head against his shoulder, feeling nothing but tired and sleepy even if I had just woken up.

"Mark. I need to call Mark."

Dylan had attacked me.

The thought repeated in my head. Dylan had attacked me. I was in danger. _They_ were coming for me and there was nothing I can do alone. I needed Mark's help and just as Matt nodded his head, he took out his cell phone and called Mark while I continued to snuggle into his shoulder, falling asleep all too quickly. When I had woken up, I realized that I was alone in bed, nothing but a vast emptiness and then I heard the sound of Mark behind me. No one but me and Mark in the room. No one. I twisted my head towards him and realized that Matt wanted to give us privacy.

"Mark, Dylan…he attacked me."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "And is that true? Because from what I see, you keep on lying, don't' you, Phil?"

"Mark!" my voice filled with desperation. Yes, I did keep on lying but I didn't choose to fall in love with Mark. I didn't choose to want this attachment. I didn't choose any of this. I didn't want this. This was so damn unfair. "Yes…yes, I lied a lot, okay? But I'm not lying now! I'm not—"

Mark didn't even look at him before he stood up and walked off.

I was left in shambles.

Why wasn't I surprised?

* * *

It was a simple bus ride.

All of us were here except for Mark, who decided to take the day off with Jeff and Vince didn't want to argue with him. The McMahon's rode in another bus while I huddled in the back of the bus with Matt, half of the WWE was in the front, Adam Copeland (who was just going to return, trying to find a good way to), Cody Rhodes, Ted, DiBiase, Chris Jericho, Evan Bourne, Jack Swagger, John Cena, John Morrison, Hunter, the Miz, Zack Ryder and Randy Orton…Matt and myself.

"Why do you like Mark?" Matt asked me, trying to understand, knowing that I was now besotted over the man.

"He makes me feel…" I didn't know how to explain it. He gave me life. He gave me lividness. He made me feel like I had a purpose in this stupid, damned life, '…he makes me feel like I belong here. He gives me a sense of belonging. I feel so safe around him…like nothing's bad is ever going to happen."

Matt blinked. "Damn, and you never had sex with him?"

I playfully pushed his shoulder. "Yeah."

"Just wait until you do."

I giggled and rested my head on my now 'friend'. "You know when I was in Jeff's body, I saw that you once tried to kill yourself…and Jeff always came to you if there was a problem with Mark…"

Matt sighed, lifting my face and looking at me deep in the eyes. "Mark and Jeff don't mix. Mark can easily push on Jeff's sensitivity and he comes running to me. Their relationship is broken yet the refuse to acknowledge it. That's why half of their relationship is all sex. 'Cause it seems to be the only way they know how to be intimate."

"And the suicide attempt?" I asked.

Matt looked down at the floor. "I…I get very emotional when someone dumps me. Jericho and I have been together for around three years and then, I found out he was cheating on me…something just took control of me…I just…I needed to…wanted to jump…forget it all…I knew I was risking my life but at that time, there was nothing left for me. I was just a shoulder everyone else cried on…"

I stared at him, shock in my eyes. I didn't realize that Matt Hardy out of all people felt this way. He always seemed happy. I always seemed confident myself. It showed me how unexpected life can be…that the people that seem strong can break easily and the people that seemed weak can still hold on.

That was when we hit a tree.

The bus driver walked out of the car and was about to fix it but then I felt strange, as if I knew something bad was going to happen and I clung to Matt for dear life and—

An explosion of colors.

Steel everywhere.

I fell onto the floor and he fell on top of me and being Matt Hardy, who was heavier than me, I pushed him off and felt the blood trickle down my mouth and face. I stared at him, seeing that his face was also bloodied. I pressed my head towards his chest, whimpering as he looked around.

The bus had exploded.

Bits and pieces of steel digging into our flesh.

What about the others?

I was about to stand up but when I tried to, I collapsed on top of him, feeling my eyes give way as Matt's hands wrapped around my waist, trying to hold onto anything for his dear life…eyes both shutting down…

And I'd always been known as a spoiled child who was looking for attention.

* * *

***Rubs hands together* Suspense, suspense, suspense…**

**Next chapter is '**_**Drive'**_**. Here's a little preview…**

_**Doctor**_: you were farthest away from the engine when it had exploded so you're both healing quickly with little injuries.  
_**Phil**_: _mumbling_…yeah, I already had cuts over this from me and Jeff's car accident.  
_**Doctor**_: true… but that's not what I want to direct you to. _He walks towards the room and Phil's eyes widen at the sight of his battered fellow wrestlers_. We had to do it…  
_**Phil**_: …so they're _all_ Nightshifters?!

**XP! Review?**

**X Sam.**


	16. Drive

**I worked on this almost instantly after I worked on the last one. X3. Then I had to make a chapter for '**_**Meet You By the Skate Park'**_** before I continued with anything else.  
**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_ **Si**xte_en_  
**D**ri_ve_

* * *

When I was awake, I realized that I was back in the too white hospital, I rolled around to see that Matt was already awake and sitting down and now that I could see him clear, without the blackened night around us, I could see that he had a cut on his knee, a scrape and I could see that because his jeans were ripped at that point, a huge gap, the dry blood making me cringe.

I let my eyes trail upwards, his shoulder had a bandage on it and from what I see, I bet that Matt didn't let the Doctor change him in the hospital gown and I was dressed in last night's clothing. Matt was now shifting, grabbing onto a black bag, he walked towards the bathroom and slipped into something different. And the only thing that was in my head was his face… his cheek was bleeding rapidly and even through the white bloodied bandage, we could see the scratch that was still there.

I let my head look at the mirror and gasped at what was there. Before, I had bruises that were healing but now, they were back and they were far worse than I could've imagined. My face had three bruises instead of two, one on my left side of my forehead that was slightly tiny but noticeable, another one trailing from the right side of my forehead to my eyes, and one last one at my left cheek. This were just the bruises. The three thin cuts were now deeper and I blinked, trying to think that I wasn't hideous.

I looked down at my body. My arm was wrapped around a white wrap but besides my face, my arm and a few various huge bruises around my body, there was nothing else. Matt came back with his clothing and helped strip me down and wear Jeff's clothing, a soft blue t-shirt with a black jacket and black pants. Since he'd already seen me naked before, I let him and he didn't seem to have any appeal to me anymore since my face was so damn battered.

"Jeff is coming around soon." Matt told me.

Jealousy stirred in my veins. Oh him. Who was probably back with Mark and having a very happy day.

The Doctor came in to try and clear up and explain everything. "You were farthest away from the engine when it had exploded so you're both healing quickly with little injuries." Matt helped me up as those words repeated over and over in my head, echoing. My entire face was filled with bruises and blood! Little injuries my—

I let myself mumble under my breath. "Yeah, I already had cut over this from me and Jeff's car accident."

"True…but that's not what I want to direct you to." The Doctor made us follow him into a room and my eyes widened at the sight in front of me, the beds all squished together, the bodies that were laying and I knew—I just knew—from the expressions on their faces as they slept, from the door that had an all too familiar scent, 'we had to do it…"

"So they're _all_ Nightshifters?!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, yes, they are."

I blinked once more as Zack Ryder, his body anyways, rose up from his sleep and blinked. "WHAT IN FUCK'S NAME?!" his voice was thick and darkened.

"Yo, dude, give me back my body!" Randy Orton's eyes widened, both of their faces met and Zack blinked once and twice before standing and he was ready to walk off to tell the Doctor off but I stood in front of Zack—or as I figured out now, Randy. Zack, in Randy's body, stood up and walked towards the Doctor.

I was the one to explain. "Either you both die or you both exchange bodies. It happened to me and Jeff also." Matt nodded and helped explain himself and as I came to realized, Matt had been around the Doctor much. The others soon woke up and we realized the strange mixes. Cody was in Adam's body and Adam was in Cody's body, Chris Jericho was in Ted's body and Ted was in Jericho's, Hunter was in Mike's body and Mike was in Hunter's, Cena was in Morrison's body and Morrison was in Cena's—and as we knew, Zack was in Randy's body and Randy was in Zack's.

I was about to laugh at the strange mixes but I didn't want to get my head pounded at and after explaining what the Nightshifters were and how Mark was one of our Masters, a few others came around, Nightshifter leader from what I remembered. One of them came forward and looked around. "Caiden," he introduced himself to others and then he turned to me. "You're one of those who are supposed to die for your betrayal. For you are the reason why Dylan and Naomi and Madison are after us."

"I—"

Caiden's eyes burned with anger. "You will stay here and help the rest or we will strip Mark out of his title as a Master and erase his memory."

"Erase his memory?" I replied, shocked, stepping backwards but Matt had grabbed me, running his hand down my side, trying to calm me down.

Caiden nodded his head. "For he can expose our existence. He agreed to this when we let him in so there's no reason for him not to agree now…will you help your precious little Mark or not? And I must also tell you that I'm only giving you a month to get them into proper place, to help them get used to their new bodies! Both of you. Or else you die on our hands. Or Madison's."

I nodded my head. "Of course I will!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening and Caiden's hand touched my own in a way of agreement and I looked back at them, knowing that now, I had all of them to take care of and all of this happened during a drive to a state, a quick one, one that altered me and Matt's life forever…

All to help Mark.

And he didn't even know it.

* * *

**Here's a little bit of what's going to happen. X3.**

_**Cena**_: _wearing glasses…_  
_**Morrison**_: don't taint my image, man!  
_**Cena**_: but I can't see anything in this damn body!  
_**Zack**_: woo woo woo!  
_**Randy**_: Hey! I don't say that!  
_**Phil**_: _blinking_…I am so dead.

**XD! Looks like that's going to be fun to read and write! Okay. Gonna work on '**_**Meet You By The Skate Park**_**'. X3.**

**X Sam.**


	17. Learn

**X3. Thank you, mah lovelies for the reviews. I appreciate.**

* * *

**Ch**ap_ter_ **Sev**ent_een_  
**Le**ar_n_

* * *

Here was Cena, wearing glasses.

And there was Morrison, shouting at him. "Don't taint my image, man!"

Cena twisted his head, all in Morrison's body, but wearing one of his orange t-shirts and faded jeans, his feet were covered by sneakers, with a pair of frameless glasses over the top of his nose, 'but I can't see anything in this damn body!"

Zack laughed, also in Randy's body, but wearing Randy's attire, his black trunks hugging his hips perfectly, 'woo woo woo!" he said his catchphrase, grinning to show his teeth.

Randy, who was in Zack's clothing, glared at him with one of his piercing glares, cold and horrible to see, 'hey! I don't say that!"

I blinked. I blinked for the sake of blinking. I blinked to try and register the sight that was in front of me, Cena was in Morrison's body, wearing his normal ring clothing, Morrison himself was in Cena's body, wearing too tight clothing and jewels and sparkles and Zack and Randy, even in their own clothing, weren't acting too well. Cody and Ted, Cody in Adam's body and Ted in Jericho's body, were acting weak and frail and were pushed around by Adam and Jericho, Jericho in Ted's body and Cody in Adam's body… it was all like a nightmare. Hunter was in Miz's body and his eyes threatened to crush people while Miz was in Hunter's body and looked as hyper as ever.

"I am so dead."

How was I supposed to fix this mess in front of me?

I told them not to tell Vince that anything was wrong and now, Vince walked into the room to inspect it and I just said whatever that came into my head. "They're role-playing." And my lie convinced him.

"But tell them to stop because Cena and Orton have a match."

Zack and Morrison were now staring at Vince as he left and Morrison shook his head, "I'm not wearing that horrible ring attire! Never! I'm already—"

"Already what?" Zack urged him to continue.

Morrison pushed through everyone else, putting his head in his hands, and looking as if he was about to sob, and I followed him, because I didn't know what else to do. He sat down on a bench, all alone, his face filled with sorrow and pain, and I sat beside him, running my hand down his back.

"Hey, John…"

Morrison's eyes snapped up at me and I could see that now, he was crying, blue eyes puffy with red and swollen with pain. "Phil, they don't understand, 'he wrapped his arms around me, and pressed me into a hug. "I don't wanna be ugly. I don't wanna! It's the only thing I have—my beauty. It's the only thing that's ever made people look at me! I don't wanna be ugly! Not again!"

I rubbed circles on his back, trying to comfort him, feeling the pain of him transfer from me to him. I felt him. I was ugly, too. "John…"

"First grade, I was horrible! I swear! And in my teen years, 'he looked at me, those sparkling eyes meeting with his and even if they were Cena's eyes, there was that hint of solidified innocence that only he could've harbored, 'they all laughed at me… I don't wanna be ugly. Not again. I wanna feel special…"

"You are special." I tried to convince him, but I meant it. I saw the look on his face, I saw beyond the jewelry and sparkles, 'look, do what I do, play."

"Play?" he repeated, sniffing.

"Play something you aren't. You aren't ugly. You aren't Cena. You aren't…" and at that moment, I started going off the subject, feeling it touch my inner core. "You aren't cold. You aren't horrible. You aren't CM fucking Punk and you aren't a big pain in the ass just because you're straight edge and…and…"

"Phil." Morrison placed his hand on my shoulder. "Breathe."

I nodded my head and put my head on his shoulder. "It's unfair. I don't know who I am…"

"You're Phil Brooks." He assured me, lifting my chin so that we were eye to eye and then offered me one of the friendliest smiles I had ever seen in my entire life, it sent a lulled feeling of warmth in me, 'and you're screwed up and broken, like me but we both still pretend even when the spotlights of the arena are closed."

I nodded my head at him, 'but people like you. Everyone hates me."

"And that's why I see you as sort of an ideal role model right now. Because even when everything's tough and there's an easy way out, you always take the hard way out because you're convinced that the shortcuts will come back to haunt you." I knew he was talking about my love of being straightedge, I knew it as well as he did and as I nodded my head at him before I stood up and moved towards the arena for the match.

He wore Cena's clothing and breathed in before looking at me. "Playing a part of someone else." He told me. "A game."

"A game," I agreed, looking down, but my game lasted most of my life and now, as I hid under the shambles of my life, I realized how much it had broken me and at the same time, how much it had brought alive this strong being inside of me. I was strong enough to say 'no' as Phil but I was weak as CM Punk, I was weak because I never stood up for a right I wanted to stand up for in so long—that masks were horrible, that I hid under one, that I didn't want others to suffer by wearing masks and trying to hide their inner selves.

If they didn't love me as I am, then was it really worth it for them to love me as another person?

A person that was entirely different?

This 'CM Punk' person that I have come to realize had controlled my actions right now? And when I was in Jeff's body, I had to wear Jeff's mask, his mask of innocence underneath all that lust and willpower, all of that strength and compassion for art—he had pushed it all away, been under a mask and nothing was there to release his mask other the art he'd created.

I never released myself from my mask.

That was one of the most horrid things that I'd done in my entire life.

I watched the match.

It was going well.

Then—

'John Cena' starship pained 'Randy Orton'. Morrison and Zack had just confused the audience and Mr. McMahon who was now staring beside me with wide eyes. Vince was going to butcher them later on.

Morrison pinned Zack.

"1, 2, 3…"

'Randy Orton' was supposed to move.

Zack didn't.

That usually was the end of him so he lay there while Vince screamed obscenities to me, horrified at his star wrestlers breaking the storyline that he had set up for them—Zack tried to insult Morrison.

"Yo, man, that isn't cool!" He then turned to the audience, 'like woo woo woo! You know it!"

I bit down at my lower lip, realizing that that entirely might have exposed our covers but I tried to remain sane. I tried to act as if it didn't matter but it did matter. It mattered so damn much to me.

Oh, in the match, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes were supposed to enter the ring.

Right now, Adam and Chris were shouting at each other, 'I refuse to be a bitch!" Adam exclaimed, in Cody's body, that seemed so unusual and that caused Vince's eyes widen.

"How do you think I feel?!" Chris exclaimed, tackling Adam to the ground, both of them fighting as Vince shook his head at them but I tried to stand there and compose myself, trying to forget that they were completely breaking the storyline that Vince had worked so damn hard to set up.

I just turned around and walked off.

Right now, I didn't know how I was going to keep Mark from losing his title as a Master, me, a stupid little pet, and I heard Matt try and walk after me but I only shook my head at him before I walked to the parking lot alone on this cold night. The cool night air brushed against my trapped under clothing skin and I ran towards my car, trying not to shed tears. I've worked hard in life and I didn't want to upset him. The thought of it just made me want to cry.

If only he knew what I was doing for him…

Then I saw Mark and he was walking right towards me. I felt gobsmacked, seeing him walk towards me with that smile on his face and my heart was about to stop just by staring at him.

"Mark, I don't wanna talk."

I was stressed out enough.

Just as he was about to tell me something, I stepped into the car, and started to drive off, not even having even courage to even look at his face before I backed off the driveway and drove off.

This was so silly.

He called me a liar and now, he wanted to see me.

I didn't want to be broken hearted anymore. I wanted to move on and now, as I drove from the arena towards my hotel, I saw a pair of ruby red eyes, the precious stones of eyes twinkled…

For some reason, I felt sleepy.

I stopped the car and I let my eyes drop. I knew it was stupid, in the middle of the road, stopped my car just to sleep but my eyelids were so heavy and the sensation of tiredness was too much…

I woke up at the sound of my watch ticking. I looked down and realized that it was 9 at night. I left the arena twenty minutes ago and had been asleep for twenty minutes and I looked at my windshield, there was something smeared on it.

I took a flashlight from my glove compartment and opened it.

Blood.

A hell lot of blood.

'_Don't look behind you.'_

At that moment, Dylan attacked me again.

His feet were pushing against the accelerator, and we were moving—so damn fast, I tried to take him off but his fingernails were digging in my skin, inhuman, the red eyed Nightshifter stared at me. "Madison wants you…" he smirked at me as he let the hot, sticky blood pool from my body and we were nearing a cliff—

"Get off me, Dylan!"

I threw him off with strength I didn't know I had and before I could drive off the cliff, I turned my car around and hit the brakes. I was this close to dying once more. My heart was accelerating.

Dylan was smirking at me and in a blink, he had disappeared.

Nothing was left in his trances.

But the blood of my windshield was still falling. Sweet, hot, sticky blood. And I had fallen asleep in the car, not even the sound of my cell phone buzzing had kept me awake…

* * *

**Review?? **

**X Sam.**


	18. Precious

**Sorreh for mah lack of updates, everyone. Mah uncle had stolen the book that had mah analysis of the chapters & everything. I had lost a planner for this twice & had to write it again. So sorreh for inconvenience & there's the fact that I'm just not feeling well anymore. )= I just hate being sick but I'll update anyways since I've gotten an angle. The lyrics are of A Perfect Circle's '**_**Pet'**_** which is supposed to be the name of this fic but **_**browngirlwrites**_** beat meh to it. XD.**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **Ei**_ghte_en

**Pr**_eci_ous

* * *

"_Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window/Go back to sleep…" _

I had rolled out of my car, the misery of the days pooling over me, the pain of the past hanging through the air, the perfume of pain… as the colorful streaks of blood remained in my head and every twist and turn I took, I could feel and see the drips of blood slowly slipping away from my trainers, leaving me to sigh, over and over, my eyes begging for sleep even if I had just woken up from just that.

I just wanted to slip under real sheets and die there.

Why was I so sadistic?

I just felt so out of it, I didn't know who I was…my body was still as battered as ever. The thoughts of never being beautiful again hitting me as hard as ever as the stereo played this annoying song called '_Pet'_ by A Perfect Circle but for that one reason, I had remembered my darling Mark.

My Master.

I just stopped by the hotel room and slipped inside the hotel, and I heard the radio playing that familiar song that I had just been listening to a few seconds ago—and I could feel Mark's arms around my tiny waist, my eyes looking up towards his darkened eyes. "We need to talk." He simply said.

_"Lay your head down child/I won't let the boogeyman come…"_

I led Mark to my room and slipped in the card, and once I was inside, I could see my things and could smell the sweet scent of my perfume—yet I felt like a stranger to this room, as if I wasn't really Phil Brooks and everything I had believed in was twisted and out of nowhere, just so suddenly, the scent reminded me of alcohol, sweet, acidic alcohol falling from its bottle, to the glass, its sugary beige color…

"Phil?"

"Huh?" I snapped out of the reverie I was in as Mark opened the radio to that song that was still playing, over and over again, driving me insane as I realized that Mark had purposely done that, something in his eyes that told me that was why the lines were so slow… in some way, Mark wanted this from the radio station, wanted me to listen to this song and it showed in his eyes that he wanted me to listen.

"_Counting bodies like sheep/to the rhythm of the war drums…"_

"Sit down beside me." Mark ordered and I slowly moved towards him, sitting down beside him, my hands just itching to wrap around his neck and ravish onto his lips into a kiss. Matt may have never understand why I truly loved him but it was clear, it was clear into those dark eyes of his when he stared at me, those eyes that kept me safe, those arms that held me close…I wanted it so damn bad. To jump into the arms of the only man that could've made me happy, to kiss him, to love him, to make searing sweet love to him… I wanted it so bad and I knew that he could see it in my eyes as much as it showed in my eyes yet he didn't do anything about it as he cupped my face.

"Do you remember?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow.

I slowly tried to understand what him meant but the beat, the music, the words…they were so familiar yet I couldn't put my finger on where or what exactly and then, it all just clicked to me, engulfed me and I snapped my head up at him, his warm hands still onto my face, 'it was the song that was playing when Jeff and I got into a car accident…"

"This song has its spell on you. It made Jeff start talking and lose his concentration, 'Mark realized, 'this song kills people, Phil. It kills innocent people. It hurts them in ways that we don't expect…this is the song that was playing in the background of the bus when it crashed, this song was playing in the background when Matt got dumped by Chris in his car, this was the song that was playing when Lucas, Matthew's dog, had died…this song is made of evil and has its evil intentions."

"Then why the fuck are we listening to it?!" I exclaimed, my hands were about to reach down towards the radio but he pinned me down, his eyes staring at mine, looking up and down my body and I wondered if he wanted something bad to happen to me—to happen to us—as he moved towards me.

"Do you like him?"

I knew that he was talking about Matt but I couldn't answer. I was too busy listening to the lyrics, to the sound, to the song, even if it wasn't hypnotizing. I just didn't want to answer the question that Mark had given me, whether I liked my friend, Matt, or not. He was simply a friend and yes, we had fucked but it meant nothing as to what Mark meant to me. Mark was my everything…Matt was my friend.

_"Pay no mind to the rabble/Pay no mind to the rabble…"_

"Do you like him?! ANSWER ME, PET!"

At that one moment, as I tried to break free but he had pinned my wrists tight and he wanted an answer and I couldn't lie to him anymore, it was too hard so I just shook my head at Mark's notion, 'he's my friend, Mark but I don't like him…not like that…M-Mark…" at that instant, I was staring into those eyes, his face only inches away from mine, my shallow breathes on his face. "M-Mark?"

"Yes?" he asked me, his thick voice falling onto my flesh.

"Why are we still listening to that song?"

The dark lyrics still playing, along with the rock music beat it had along, soft yet effective, powerful yet weak, everything yet nothing…

"_Head down, go to sleep/to the rhythm of the war drums…"_

"Because, 'Mark's voice was now thicker, darker, 'because nothing is completely negative and nothing is completely possible. This song can break you or it can make you…and right now, it's making me. It's making you, is it not? Your eyes…mesmerized by these words. And all I want to do is…"

"Mark?"

But he didn't respond, he simply crushed down his lips onto mine and I just stared into confusion as I pressed my body towards the mattress while his body pressed against mine, his hands slipping into the waistband of my jeans as I continued to kiss him, both of us losing control, the feeling of the entire world melting away from me…from us…

"This can make you or break you and right now, it's making us, isn't it? All over again… Jeff is so going to kill me but…" Mark was now kissing butterfly kisses along my collarbone while I tried to kiss his face and neck, saliva onto each other's flesh, a mark of each other's love, 'fuck, I just can't control this…"

Mark was discarding my clothes into seconds, undressing me, my body naked in seconds, all his, it was never anyone else's and his hands touching my battered skin almost made me feel beautiful as he'd discarded his own clothes, my eyes widening as moisture found its way to my lips, licking and biting at my lips, his hands ran up and down my back as he kissed me, hard and passionately, with every emotion playing in that one kiss.

"_Pay no mind what other voices say/they don't care about you, like I do, like I do/Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils, /See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do."_

His fingers were now scissoring my entrance, preparing it for his massive cock, my lips kissing onto his chest and biting the flesh of his shoulder as I let out various moans of satisfaction and at that, he even moaned, soft and subtle, almost non-existent and he added another finger to his three fingers, making me want to cum onto his skin right then and now but I didn't do anything as his teeth bit at my thighs, his sweet teeth digging into my pale skin.

"_Just stay with me, safe and ignorant/Go back to sleep/Go back to sleep…"_

He was tasting me, biting and licking every bit of me and it was so serene and soft that it was too lovable and gentle for someone like Mark and when he pulled out his fingers, I awaited for the softness of his cock inside of me as he had bitten me but instead came a rough, wow-worthy thrust inside of me, hard and rough and in that one thrust, I had let out a scream of satisfaction and pain, pain that was slowly fading into the pleasure that was burning within me. "Mark!"

"_Lay your head down child/I won't let the boogeyman come/Count the bodies like sheep/To the rhythm of the war drums…"_

The song didn't match our movements but the beat did and he kept on thrusting, over and over, my skin so hot and sweaty and his hand wrapping around my cock, stroking and squeezing and my entire body and face turned from pale to a cherry red into seconds of this love-making that we had as he bit at my upper lip before planting soft kisses all around my mouth.

_"Pay no mind to the rabble/Pay no mind to the rabble…"_

He continued to thrust, in and out, in and out, quick then slow, slow then quick and with that one last final thrust, he had spilled his seed into me, the hot, warm liquid shooting into the core of me…the warmth like nothing I'd ever felt as I held onto one long breath, panting and sweating, and I didn't remember anything but him positioning me into the bed and him covering the sheets over me.

_"Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums…"_

When I had finally regained my breath, I simply stared at him as he cupped my face and kissed my forehead and cheeks, showering me with love that I didn't know someone could have for someone as his hand slipped under my back and pressed me against it. "What if this is just destined to be broken?" I asked him, my voice soft and low against his chest. "You said that the song can make or break us, give us good or evil…what if this 'good' really turns out to be evil?"

"Then we have enjoyed these few moments, have we not?" Mark asked, kissing over my forehead and holding me as tight as he could've so that both of our sweaty bodies were pressing against each other, being as tight as possible to each other as I felt Mark's breaths onto my face.

_"I'll be the one to protect you from /Your enemies and all your demons…"_

"I don't want it to end." I complained, nuzzling into his need, lingering in this moment while I still could've but I knew that Jeff would've known, sometime or another, Jeff had this kink for knowing everything and anything that happened and I didn't want him to know about this at all. I wanted Mark to just leave him and come to me but he seemed and still does seem so damn happy with Jeff. I was just confused. "Do you even like me, Mark? Because I'm confused."

"You lie, you cry, you die on the inside, but I still find this type of attraction to you that shouldn't be there, 'Mark told me, looking down at my face, 'there are two things this song does, unleash good or evil and to me, you're like that song, both good and evil, an addiction I shouldn't have…you ban other people from drugs when you're such a drug yourself, exotic yet fierce and confident. You make a person's heart bleed with joy when you enter into the ring."

"_I'll be the one to protect you from /A will to survive and a voice of reason…" _

"Mark? What about Jeff?"

_"I'll be the one to protect you from /Your enemies and your choices son/They're one in the same/I must isolate you/Isolate and save you from yourself…"_

"He shouldn't know about this."

"_Swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order and/Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums…"_

"Aren't you leaving him for me? You just said I was exotic and fierce and confident!" I was so confused, the confusion was burning into my cores and seeping through my brain and I didn't want to slip away from his arms, the most incredible feeling I've had since a long time ago…

_"The boogeymen are coming/The boogeymen are coming…"_

"Here's the fact…I like both of you and am unable to decide between you both."

_"Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drums…"_

I was silent. "I should be angry, 'I started, 'but I'm not. I just love you that much…I love you so much, Mark and it hurts! IT HURTS SO DAMN MUCH! Why am I going through this…? Why don't I just quit this? I don't know, Mark! I just…you…you're the only one that makes me happy…J-Jeff can find someone else! But you…me…I can't…I-I-I can't! And…it hurts…i-i-it hurts…."

"Philip…"

Mark cupped my cheek once more, his finger slowly trailing alongside of my cheek, but I was crying so hard that it didn't matter and the tears spilled and cascaded so quickly. My throat was dry and on fire, burning with pain and desolation and he just stared at me, trying to get me to keep into control but I couldn't. I couldn't be in control at all. I was so out of control.

_"Stay with me/Safe and ignorant/Just stay with me/Hold you and protect you from the other ones/The evil ones/Don't love you son/Go back to sleep…"_

**

* * *

**

That morning, I rolled over my bed and opened my eyes, not remembering falling asleep, only remembering being in Mark's arms for those few moments that seemed to be years ago and my stomach was bubbling with nausea as my head swirled around and I moved towards the bin, quickly throwing up as fast as I could've into the bin next to me, holding my head onto my face. Mark wasn't here and I understood that song meant nothing than pure evil for me…because I felt sick.

* * *

**XD. YEZ. FINALLEH. XD! By the way, since Phil's a Nightshifters, his pregnancy is going to be a WHOLE LOT different from a normal pregnancy! YAY! X3! You'll get to know how in the next chappie. X3.  
**

**X Sam.**


	19. Sudden

**Long time no update, right? XD!**

* * *

**Cha**_pt_er **Nin**_ete_en

**Su**_dd_en

* * *

I felt so tired.

I felt the need to drink alcohol even more right now, my throat was dry, my legs were weak, I noticed it all and the only thing that made me ignore the pain—even for a minute—was talking to someone, anyone, but nobody but Matt was there for me and I didn't want Matt. I wanted Mark. I tried to remember what I had done this month to distract myself and at the beginning of the month, I had sex with Matt against my will, and enjoyed it but there was no spark at all, had to take care of the wrestlers that were in the bus accident that Matt was saying will be here in a moment, and I had sex with Mark…that was the best moment of my life, to be his, just for that one night, to have him in me…the feeling that was in me, the enjoyment, the excitement…

But now, I was alone.

No one understood how I felt.

The pain that was puncturing through every vein of my body. The desolation that washed over me…I wanted to be happy. Just for the moment. Later on, I threw up hard into the bin while Matt held onto my body so I wouldn't fall as I violently emptied myself, but the weight of the pain still made me feel fat and ugly, unwanted and unneeded…I just wanted to be dead.

When John Morrison came around, he helped me out of my bed so I could go bathe while John Cena pulled out a bunch of clothes for me while Matt followed me into the bathroom, and I didn't mind stripping out of my clothes in front of him since he knew that we had limitations and the lust just wasn't there as he held onto my body while we showered, my head onto his shoulder, I was so fucking tired…

I laid down in my bed. Just counting seconds.

I wanted to die.

People could just see how tired I was.

I couldn't really sleep and I wanted to sleep so bad. My bloodshot eyes were scaring me and I just wanted it all to end. I felt so bad…I knelt to throw up again as Matt held onto me and I wanted Mark.

I wanted Mark.

I didn't want Matt.

Matt was a friend.

Oh God.

My face was pulsing with pain, every vein threatening to fall out and my head was staring at the ceiling as Matt stroked my arm and in moments, a Doctor walked into the room. He pricked me, allowed my blood to fill the syringe and I could remember being so damn dizzy that I passed out and when I arose, I seemed to find myself in the hospital.

The Doctor was looking at me. "You know, Phillip, you're fainting at the slightest cut?"

I just stared at him. I was still so damn tired and I turned around to face Mark who was holding onto my arm with roughness and I felt so fragile and breakable at that. I turned around too to see Jeff and Matt, Matt holding onto Jeff like any brother would, and then I saw that the Doctor seemed uneasy.

They knew what was wrong with me.

Suddenly, Mark just tightened his rip on my wrist. "It's Matt's, isn't it?"

I simply looked down. I didn't know what he was talking about until the Doctor showed me his clipboard and I realized that he'd taken a dozen of tests but only one of them came positive…

Pregnancy: positive.

I screeched.

"_GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"_

I knocked down the clipboard.

I felt like I was going to faint again.

I slapped Mark and I turned around to face Jeff, my heart racing and my breaths unsteady as tears started to make their ways towards my eyes. I wasn't shocked. I realized that right now, this was my power as a Nightshifter, the ability to be fertile and Mark told Matt and Jeff to get out of the room as he sat down beside me and cupped my face.

"Phil…"

"It's Matt's. I'm sure."

It was a lie. I knew it was Mark's but I didn't want to break what Jeff and Mark had anymore. I should just move on and the pain right now was too much that I only said the first thing that came into my head.

"Phil, do you want to know what this is happening?"

I nodded my head.

"Your body thinks that it's a female's. It's working as if you can get pregnant and the minute that it knows you're a boy, it's going to kill the fetus. This has never happened before but there's a list of powers that a Nightshifter can obtain that I memorized by heart and there's no way to break this pregnancy curse you have…but you can kill the fetus by reminding your body that you're a boy and that only happens if a certain procedure is done and it's quite dangerous."

"I don't want a baby." I stared down at my stomach. I couldn't imagine that something was materializing inside of this thing. "And is it like a normal pregnancy?"

"Far from that."

Mark took a breath, I felt it in the air, on my skin. "Instead of nine months, the baby is going to be there for only two to four months and it's a quite very ugly procedure. You're going to have two babies and those two babies have to exchange bodies later on. It's possible there's more but it has to be double two, four babies. Because they need to be able to exchange with their counterpart. Your babies can't stay normal and there's the fact that if they're both different genders then we have a big problem…"

I just stared at him.

Having my children face this type of pain, this horror that even I couldn't face…that made the tears start cascading down my cheeks.

"Do you want me to go call Matt?"

I nodded my head.

It wasn't Matt's…why was I doing this? If it looked like Mark, then I'd be so screwed…I just prayed that it looked nothing like Mark. I just prayed silently as I stared down at the white floor and then I heard Mark tell Matt.

"Matt…this baby is yours."

"…w-w-what?!"

"Matt-"

"No! No way! It can't-"

I turned around to face Matt and I held the collar of his shirt, shaking him desperately, tears still cascading and the thoughts spiraling and I didn't know what I was saying but it made me feel so good saying them. "You know what?! You're not the one who's gonna have two fucking babies shoot out of his body! You're not the one that's going to have to watch his children get hurt and go through the type of pain I go through everyday! You'll never understand it! You won't… and the simplest thing I can ask you to do is acknowledge the fact that this baby is yours!"

I turned to my side and threw up as hard as I could've.

I threw up blood.

Mark turned to Matt. "Just get out of here, Matt!"

Mark leaned towards me and pulled me in place. "You deserve it, you know? You fake your own pain a lot. And now, when you're really in pain, you should just be lucky that I actually believed you this time."

I felt the tears cascade.

"Just leave me alone."

"Pet, I don't know the type of pain you're going through and I know it's not going to be pretty…since I forgot to mention they're eating their way out of you…Nightshifter babies aren't humans, did you know that?"

"What?! Eating through me?"

"They're eating and stripping your flesh off… they're like zombies…"

I was so damn dizzy that I couldn't even think. "No… please, just get them out of me… please… just take them out of me right now! I don't want this type of pain! I don't want to possibly die just because of babies that I'll have to suffer to watch grow up! Please…Mark…just do anything to get these things out of me!"

Then I felt this incredible jolt of pain.

"You're making them angry. They are intelligent children."

I slapped him as hard as I could've and I tried to go through this pain that was going through me, this feeling of slicing metal through my skin, the blood that was making its way towards my throat and I threw up so bad and then my head twisted around towards the other Nightshifters that seemed to be glad they weren't me.

Jeff walked towards me, holding onto my shoulders to steady me. "Mark! Do something! Don't you see that he's hurt?!"

My eyes widened.

Jeff was on my side?!

Matt kissed my earlobe. "It'll be alright, baby."

Baby?

I stared at Mark who smiled softly at me as he congratulated Matt on coming to terms with this when I wanted to bite and kill them both for thinking that this was Matt's baby. That night, I spent it with Mark and Jeff asleep on the ground with mattresses and I tried not to think of the pain as Matt walked through the doorway.

"Where were you?" I snapped at him.

"I was…" he shook his head and sat down beside me, cupping my face. "Phil, I know that despite everything, this babies deserve something more than me and I want…I want to love you."

I didn't understand what he was going to do.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a box.

Shit.

A diamond ring.

My eyes swelled with tears. Because of the pain.

"Are you in pain, Phil?"

I simply nodded my head as he knelt down and held my hand and we knew the rest of this tragic fairytale. "Phil…will you marry me?"

I _loved_ Mark.

Yet I said _yes_ to Matt.

* * *

_**Browngirlwrites**_** is probably gonna be throwing stuff at me. And so is the rest of you. Well, it's **_**Punkertaker**_**, not to worry but we need to build up tension and dramaticness, no? XD!**

**Next update will be a lot sooner, not to worry. X3!**

**X Sam.**


	20. Wait

**Aree wanted me to work on '**_**Nightshifters'**_** and I'm sure that everyone else is tired of waiting five months for an update, XD!**

* * *

**Ch**_apt_er **Twe**_nt_y

**W**_ai_t

* * *

I felt even more tired, day by day.

The exhaustion of this all…

Damn, I just wanted to go into a ditch and die.

The pain was impossible, the pain of the contraction that I felt each and every day. It was two months now and I spend these two months crawled underneath the sheets of my hospital room but nobody would've guessed that I was two months only. It seemed as if I was in the eighth month, that was with the twins that were beating up my kidneys and trashing my spleen. My head was on the pillow all the time and Matt visited most of the time, Jeff too but Mark, Mark I haven't seen in a while.

What did I expect?

Stupid me.

Saying 'yes' to Matt.

I didn't love Matt. He was almost like a brother to me, only because I used to be in Jeff's body so I just seemingly saw him that way…but I can't see him any other way now. Every kiss of his made me want me throw up and I couldn't tell if that was my morning sickness and the nausea that came along with it all but I just felt like vomiting whenever we kissed. I just wanted to see Mark so bad… I knew it was a sick, unhealthy obsession but I couldn't change it.

My hands were around my swollen stomach, where I could feel kicking. I blinked once or twice. They'd never really kicked before so that had reeled me out of the state. But instead of joy, just exhaustion hovered through me…I wanted to die. I really did. I wanted to be hid under a casket, to be buried underneath the soil, to be alone, to have nothing in me…why did I have to suffer through this?!

I just stared as Jeff walked into the room and put down a plate of rice for me. "Wait? Did they kick?" Jeff's face was twitching with glee. I wished just for that moment that he was in my position and I wondered if he'd be all happy perky.

He touched my stomach and I took off my hands. My breathing was lower now as I panted and he could feel my babies kicking. Jeff grinned at me as Matt walked in alongside of him. Jeff turned to Matt and jumped up excitedly at him, 'your babies kicked, Matt! FEEL IT!"

Matt put his hands around my stomach, and I allowed him to. He kissed my forehead quickly and even through those few seconds, I wished it was Mark's lips on my forehead instead of Matt's.

Then I saw Mark come in.

My heartbeat was twenty times faster. Then I thought of what Mark said about my babies, about them being intelligent, what if the fact that my heartbeats whenever he was around and my skin feels damp and sweaty was a reaction I got because the babies saw their Daddy and they knew it was him? I was confused, I was scared, I was horrified…I just felt Matt's hand slip underneath my chin and make me look at him. He was frowning, his face pale and his eyes burning with worry. "Phil? You're zoning out."

I wanted to slap him.

I did.

My eyes were just burning with tears and my stomach felt so bad as I leaned towards my side and vomited.

Horror reeled into my eyes.

I vomited _blood_.

I stared down in shock.

Mark grabbed me by my shoulders and pinned me towards the wall of my bed. I stared at him, dizzy, too dizzy for words, his face was blurred, everything was blurry… then I felt a ripping pain. The type of pain that scissored in my stomach, cutting and chopping me into bits and pieces of nothing. I let out a frightful sob. Mark turned around towards Jeff and Matt, 'we need to get him out of here."

Jeff's eyes were wide, 'Marky Mark, _he just vomited blood!_ What-?"

Mark took Jeff's hand and kissed it. Then I felt like I was going to vomit again as I felt a painful contraction of the children, I grabbed onto my hair and wanted to rip it into nothingness. Just because the pain was too much…it was like being ripped and torn into halves, ripped into nothing, the pain still lingered as Mark took me in his arms, carrying me, and I gripped onto him, fearful of falling and I couldn't take anymore pain…

I couldn't take anymore pain…

I let out another sob and clung to him.

"Mark, where are you taking him?"

"Dylan, Naomi, Madison, they're all going to kill him when we leave him alone…I can feel it…he's so vulnerable now that he can't fight!" Mark exclaimed, putting me down onto the backseat of his chair and revving forward. Jeff sat in the front while Matt sat in the back, my head on his lap, my eyes seeing spots, horrifying spots. The horror shocked me and the pain made me feel like I was dying. The babies swung around, playing with my intestines as if I was a mere toy.

Matt was holding onto my hair and just then, I noticed how much I'd been sweating. I wanted to choke and vomit again but I held the urge to.

He kissed my forehead.

We went towards a forest path that Mark claimed was a shortcut then I felt a huge swing of pain that made me scream, I could feel the blood on my lips and could see Jeff and Matt panic as Matt nudged Mark and Mark looked down at me, looking at my pants and that was when I sat up, trying to ignore the pain that was digging in my hips and spine, desolation and misery, burning, hot, searing pain that made me want to flip back but I saw what Mark was seeing, which made me feel as if jagged pieces of glass were digging into my lungs as I struggled to breathe properly.

There was blood pooling between my legs.

Mark stopped the car in the middle of the forest and carried me towards the tree, allowing me to sit beside it while he stroked my hair and that moment, even when I was in this searing agony that ripped me in two, I felt myself calm and ease, as he kissed the space underneath my eye then his hands were around my stomach and the torture didn't stop, the distress got worse but his hands on me made me forget it all for a moment. Forget that I was bleeding so badly onto the ground…

Jeff made his way towards me and so did Matt.

Mark looked towards Matt, 'do you have a razor, a pocket knife, any of that?"

Matt pulled out a pocket knife from his pocket as Mark looked over at Jeff, 'your sewing kit, Jeffy."

Jeff nodded his head as he ran towards the car and Mark took off my CM Punk t-shirt to expose the damaged flesh underneath. This made me think about how much he just could've love me. I was a mess, I was a huge, big mess right now and he was stroking this mess, the flesh of me… the damaged flesh of me… Jeff came back with his sewing kit and pit it down while Mark wasted no time—

He cut me open.

I could see the blood pouring out of me, the flesh chopping, the anguish doubling over and I felt like I had no flesh, no heart, no brain, no nothing, just me and this anguish that wouldn't leave me alone as Matt covered his eyes and Jeff buried his head into Matt's shoulder, sobbing and crying…why did he cry? I was the one that was in complete and utter searing pain. The pain just got worse as Mark dug through and I felt little shards of invisible glass snap onto my insides. He pulled out a bloodied child out of my stomach and then he sewed me all over again as confusion struck against me. I just couldn't understand what he was doing. He was sewing as fast as he could've while Jeff was forced to hold the bloodied child.

I was too dizzy for words. Confused, completely and utterly confused.

I thought they were twins…I could still feel something kicking at me… Mark kissed my nose and looked over at the baby that was in Jeff's arms. Jeff let out a soft slurred whimper as he'd given Mark the child. "It's—it's—"Jeff started, his voice soft and broken.

"Dead."

My heart pounded.

All that pain…the anguish…the torture…the distress…

For nothing?

I let the tears cascade down my cheeks all over again. Jeff just allowed Matt to hold onto the dead child while he hugged me with those bloodied arms. Jeff looked back at Mark, 'so Phil only has one baby now."

"One baby that will mature and be stabilized in a few days…but we can't go back to the hospital. It's too dangerous there and here…here's the perfect hideout—"

"I hate you, 'Jeff snapped, standing up towards Mark. "Mark, he can't fucking breathe! Hell, I know that you can protect Phil, you can get a few Nightshifters to guard the place…I know you, Mark. You do what can be done but you just want Phil to suffer, is that it? You want Phil to be in pain because you don't like him, is that the truth?! Mark, it's obvious that you just want him! It's obvious that you hate Phil but can't say it to his face! MARK!"

Mark snapped his direction towards me and then bit down his lower lips. "Phil, Phil loves me…and that…that's unacceptable. Phil is a Pet and I'm his Master. He's too vulnerable to be with me…to breakable…he's going to get hurt a lot if we ever get together. That's why I tell myself that I believe that being with you is better than allowing Phil even more pain."

"But doesn't mean you're supposed to be cruel to him!" Jeff exclaimed, his eyes full of horror.

"You don't understand, Jeffery. You never will! I'm a Master. He's my Pet. There's only two words to describe that relationship: discipline and pain. Both on Phil's part. This is what is supposed to be. I can't change the fabric of time. These are laws…Phil dies if I don't play my part and-"

"If you really loved Phil, you wouldn't care about all these rules, 'Jeff sniffled, tears cascading down his cheeks as he turned to face me, leaning down towards me and then embracing me ever so softly. "Phil, I'm sorry you have a jerk of a Master. Hell…I want to try and make this easier for you…I…God, you're so weak…"

Mark just stared at us then he left.

I looked down at my dead baby for the first time. I just wanted to cry right then. Behind the blood-coated body, there was something so utterly beautiful that died inside of me…I let out a horrified scream then I felt Matt lean down towards me and embrace me, trying to calm me down.

Mark and I could never be.

My baby was dead.

I only had one baby.

I broke the pattern.

Naomi, Dylan and Madison were going to get me…

As these thoughts raced through my head, I only screamed harder and harder until I couldn't scream anymore and my other baby had gotten so annoying that they'd punched me in the stomach. Matt held me while Jeff got me a blanket that night and Mark came back, as we knew he would, sitting down and staring at me, trying to explain that it wasn't his fault that the rules said that Mark should punish me just because I loved him. I didn't choose who I feel in love with yet they were treating it as if I chose to fall in love with Mark. Caiden came back and he looked down at my baby, realizing that he was really dead before he nodded his head towards me. "And there's another child, is there not?"

"Yeah…" Jeff started to speak, 'the other one calmed down now and the other one's alive…you can't switch bodies with-"

Caiden shook his head. "Then that child will surely die. It's a Nightshifters' child…" then Caiden turned to Mark, 'we should do it."

They were talking as if in a code because Mark's face turned pale and he shook his head, 'but that could kill them both."

"There is no other way." Caiden bit down at his lower lip before looking back at me. "We are going to try an experimental procedure. We are going to allow the baby's father to make love to you again and the child that will grow will have to stay there for a while, no? But we have this potion made from bay leaves, rosemary, many spices and flowers, such as carnations…that makes the other child grow faster…the problem is that the potion will slow you down and it'll drain out all your energy."

Mark looked at me, 'you must do it, pet."

I was just disgusted.

I had no way out of this.

"They're Mark's babies."

Mark's eyes snapped wide open as I let out a soft sob, 'I'm so sorry, Matt…I'm so..I'm…I…" instead of slapping me, Matt held me close, stroking my arm and then Mark stared back at Caiden, whose expression was priceless. "Mark…but you told me that they're both betrothed."

Mark nodded. "Matt and Phil are engaged…but…the baby…"

"We have no choice." Caiden responded, 'he is the first to ever have this power and I won't lose it. You must practice on Phil but Matt must marry Phil. It's just our ways and customs that can't be changed."

"WHAT?!" Jeff exploded. "You're not going to make Mark fuck him and then let Matt marry him. They can call off the engagement!"

"No, you don't understand, child, 'Caiden growled at him. "That ring means more than just engagement in the Nightshifter world. It's a sacred bond that will not and cannot be broken by just anyone! For that to happen, Matt should die. That's the only way to break that eternal bond."

Mark just stared down at me, and I heard him say under his breath, things about me that made my eyes prick with tears again. I knew he was angry…furious…with me not telling him but the things he said, they made my eyes pool with tears all over again as Jeff held onto me, kissing my nose and stroking my sides then he turned towards Mark. "Mark, he's in so much pain, can't you see?"

"Faker."

I turned around and vomited a pool of blood.

Caiden grabbed onto my shoulders and slammed me towards the tree. "Stop doing that. You'll make the child weak."

They cared more about this baby than they did for me…these Nightshifters…and I was one of them. My head was spinning and Jeff and Matt tried to help me down as the horror streaked before my eyes. Matt stroked my stomach as Mark told both of them to go. I was in pain and Mark had to fuck me too.

I didn't really pay attention to it.

I was in too much pain.

I could feel the blood in my veins pounding. Everyone left us alone but everyone could still hear my screams. I could feel my battered and abused body scream out, the cells ripping, the molecules destroying, every part of me…with every pound…when he was done, all I could remember was him forcing down a warm serum down my throat before I passed out from the dizziness that exploded into my head.

When I woke up, Jeff was stroking my hair and I was in a blanket. I still felt terrible, I felt too terrible for words. I was horrible. I was horrified. I could feel my new baby growing but I didn't want this anymore…I just wanted them out of me. I could give birth in the next few days and it would be okay, right?

I just didn't believe in being okay anymore.

* * *

A few days passed.

The thought of giving birth anytime scared me to bits… Caiden told me that I shouldn't move.

That night, everything was serene.

Caiden lit a fire, a beautiful red and orange flamed fire while Jeff tried to pitch in a few names for my soon to be baby. Maria, Maya, Callie, Penelope…all of them just didn't sound right. I looked at me and just shook my head while he laughed and brought over some sandwiches for me since I was feeding not two, but three. I and my twins were starving half the time.

I bit through the sandwich while Jeff took off the crusts of the others and then bit through them, grinning at me. Mark was watching over the campsite while Caiden and him talked. Matt was simply staring down at my engagement ring, and I knew I got him into trouble but he didn't shout at me or scream at me, knowing exactly that he couldn't hurt me because of my fragileness now.

Mark turned around towards me—

We heard a sound.

Dylan. Naomi. Madison.

Madison swiftly moved towards me… I didn't even know that she was near me until she was and Caiden's anger allowed the sky to turn into mixtures of blue as a storm formed, lightening bolts hit against Madison but it didn't fry her as I expected it too and she grabbed around my neck, trying to strangle me while Matt threw her downwards. I was too tired to try and get up and Jeff knew that. "MARK! We have to get Phil out of here!"

Mark ran towards me and grabbed me, carrying me off into the blackness, while Jeff tried to fight off Dylan. It was only him and me and the screaming, screeching rain as he laid me downwards in a damp cave after so much running and he stared towards the thick masses of trees but couldn't find anything so he sat down and stroked my face while I felt a horrible amount of pain.

Then a rip.

I felt as if something was ripping in me.

He was glad he always carried around the pocket knife and sewing kit and he cut me as my breathing turned low and he looked at me, stroking my face. "Please, stay with me…Phil, don't die on me…"

He thought I was dying.

I thought I was dying.

He sliced through my stomach and pulled out one of our babies and where he'd thrown my blankets when he needed to cut me, he put the baby down, he'd wrapped it around our baby, safe and security…then he pulled out the next one, all blood…all was a weight off my shoulders and he pulled that baby around another wrap of blanket before he turned to sew me again. I was so tired. I was drained out of my energy but I didn't want my eyes to drop. I was too afraid that this was death looking me in the eye.

"Phil…don't close your eyes, baby…"

So…much…blood…

"Phil, hold on…"

I didn't know if I could anymore.

"Phil…" Mark's voice turned into nothingness as he kissed my forehead, trying to cajole me, 'please, please, Phil, just hold on for a minute…please…" he almost looked like he was crying. He finished sewing and then held onto me with one hand while he looked down at the screaming babies near us and he just hoped that Jeff and Matt weren't dead…that they were looking for us…

He screamed their names. "JEFF! MATT!"

The babies screwed too.

"JEFF!"

His voice was giving away.

"MATT!"

Then he looked back at me, who was losing strength by the second…

"SOMEONE HELP US!"

When he knew that I can sit up without support, he allowed me to lay beside him while he took the now sleeping but hungry babies from their place and he'd given me one of them while he held one of his own. God, he was beautiful. I looked at the other baby and also gasped.

They were so beautiful…

So real…

So alive…

So tiny…

Mine….

I just stared at him for a moment. I stared at the other little boy. I was still out of breath but I loved having baby boys. Then Mark asked me what I wanted to name them…I just stared at them, trying to think of a few names over the beating of the now calm rain. Caiden calmed down.

I hoped that they were safe…

I hoped…

I looked at him and then back at these babies then I just said those names that were aching to slip off my tongue. "Fernando and Jonathon…" I looked down at them and he nodded his head then I let the sob off my lips. "I want them to be with you, Mark! It's unfair! …I…I don't wanna be a pet…"

"Pet, listen…" Mark tried to soothe me. "You deserve someone better than me anyways. Someone like Matt…Matt has a high stature. He's a good person. He'll never treat you the way I do…like shit." Mark stroked my face.

"Please…" I begged. "I want you…"

"Rules are rules."

I didn't want to wait until Matt died so I could have Mark. I didn't want this. Id idn't want anything of this at all.

This made me burst into tears again. "But…but…" tears were cascading down my cheeks,_ 'I love you."_

* * *

**Hehe.**

**A chappie!**

**WOOT!**

**Let's celebrate.**

**X Sam.**


	21. Hide

**Aree! Explains enough? To **_**browngirlwrites**_**, yeah, it was intense, no? XD!**

* * *

**Ch**_apt_er **Tw**_en_ty **O**_n_e

**Hi**_d_e

* * *

That morning, I got to look clearly at the babies.

Fernando had Mark's eyes, beautiful, full and radiant, with a hint of mystique and soft sleek black hair that I could run my fingers into. His flesh was dabbed in a very soft, soft beige, Mark's peach and my pale skin together, meshed. Jonathon had my eyes, my eyes, but they were beautiful…they were so beautiful on him… and the flesh was peachy, and his hair was slicked black and…

God…

I started crying.

Mark cupped my face. "Phil?"

"So beautiful, 'I realized how they didn't deserve something as ugly as me. They didn't deserve to be looking at something as horrid and hideous as me. They…they couldn't live with me. They'd live with Matt and Mark and I'd have to kill myself in this little sick fantasy of mine, and they'd grow up and have beautiful parents. "God, Mark… they're too pretty for me!"

"Phil-"

I just started sobbing, pressing my head towards his arm, sobbing and crying, my tears slicked down my face… I was just too ugly for them. Mark couldn't understand how I felt about this wreck of a body I was stuck in. I felt so destroyed inside, this body of mine was physically broken down. I couldn't move without feeling jolts of pain. I saw Fernando peer at me and those eyes, wide, they shouldn't have been looking at me…I just didn't know. They just didn't seem to belong to me. Even if they did come out of me.

I stood up and I realized how much my ass hurt.

He held onto my hand, Mark's eyes staring at me, 'Pet, you're going to get injured if you go out there!"

I shook my head again and turned around, my ass cheeks were stinging with pain, the lining near my cock was burning and my stomach was flipping. My head was spinning so that even in the daylight, the blue looked white and everything was just tumbling upside down over and under, I just couldn't understand anything and then I leaned down and vomited up a pool of blood.

Tired.

Alone.

Scared.

I didn't want to go back to the cave and I was as sure as Hell that Mark wouldn't leave Fernando and Jonathon alone…he couldn't… and then I saw Matt there. He looked horrible but he still looked better than I could have. I could feel the dryness of my hair, I even smelled like dry blood, so strong that I felt like I was going to faint from the smell alone as Matt stared at me weakly. "You-"

I nodded my head. "I…I gave birth," I softly responded as Matt held me from falling down and then Jeff came behind him.

Matt and Jeff both had the same cut on their face. It seemed to me as if Madison marked her victims the same way, the pulsing cut of a diagonal line on their face, with a tiny circle just below their jawline, as if it were a French dot, and then Jeff grabbed me, pulling me close and embraced me. "God, you're safe," he mumbled under his breath. Two months ago, he wouldn't have dared touched me but now…he was just so happy to be alive, so happy that I was alive…

Something just hit me so hard that I almost wanted to fall.

Madison.

"Is Madison around?" my voice was dry and broken, shattered in ten different tones, of a broken lullaby.

Matt nodded his head and that was enough to make me shudder. They wanted to be led back to the cave, to see both Fernando and Jonathon and I did take them back and my stomach was churning the way around as Jeff's face enlightened into a healthy glow as he leaned down and picked up one of the babies from Mark, Fernando. Fernando loved being in Jeff's arms, I could tell…

I just stared.

They just seemed to like Jeff more than me.

I could feel those tears burning again but I wouldn't dare let them fall. I didn't want to be weak anymore, dammit and then I turned and twisted around to face Matt, who was staring down at the children and then out of nowhere, Caiden just seemed to show up. I leaned down to take Fernando from Jeff, kissing onto his flesh, and seeing his face…God, I loved him so much.

He sneezed.

My heart melted.

I didn't want to be away from them. I finally decided that I didn't deserve them but I didn't want to hurt their delicate fragile hearts as they did mine. I kissed his face a thousand times as I rocked him to sleep and him being in my arms, he just fit me…he completed every puzzle of me…and God, he was…Mark…Mark and I…I wanted it to be a real family. Of me and Mark and Fernando and Jonathon…I didn't want to be separated from Mark. I didn't want that at all.

Mark stared up at Caiden.

"Give Mark the child, Phil."

I just stared at Mark.

He saw that there was something different about me. I did too. I realized that my face just looked more radiant, looking at the puddle of water near me, the reflection of me, I wasn't dull…I was glowing. I finally allowed a bit of happiness to circle around my heart in the birth of my twin baby boys.

"Phil, come over here…" Caiden said, there was just something in his voice—

"Go with Caiden, Phil."

Caiden grabbed onto my arm and pulled me toward him, taking me deep into the forest as I realized that we were walking away from them for a while. Caiden just stared down at me, those eyes just never left my face… "So, how are the babies? You seem to be very excited to have them."

"Yes, yes, I am."

He stopped by a waterfall and sat down and I reluctantly sat down beside him. I didn't feel uneasy or anything. I was relaxed but mainly because I was talking about my twin babies, the only thing that made me feel alive, that something so beautiful could be made in me…it was the only thing that made me want to go on through this horrible life of nothingness. Then he just looked at me, stared at me.

I looked back.

I didn't know where the campsite was but Caiden's face twitched, in a matter that meant that he knew where it was…but there was just something in his eyes that told me that something was going to break. I just knew that the little piece of happiness and joy had to be torn away from me. I just knew it…I could feel the tears start up again and the Caiden slapped me, making me jolt upwards as I cupped my cheek then I felt a tear cascade. He slapped me again.

"You know what you are?"

I didn't respond. I was too busy trying to understand this scene of a horror movie. "You know what you are? You are a Nightshifter and yet, you refuse to hate Mark…he's your Master…the closest you'll ever get to Mark is if he decides that he wants to rape you. What did you make him do? Make him drink beer? Or seduced him? What did you do, you little bitch? I knew that Mark wouldn't normally have sex with his pets."

"You…you wanted the baby…"

"NO! I wanted that child after one of yours died to continue our tradition but why did you intercourse with our dear Mark anyways? I knew that he wouldn't dare do it. I knew it was your fault. I knew that you changed it all…Madison was calm for a while and then you showed up and God, she was just so jealous of you…she knew you were different, she knew you'd betray, she knew all of this and yet you still refuse to mend your ways even if you knew that you weren't in danger…that everyone else was in danger too. You selfish little whore."

I didn't receive a slap. Instead, his boot met my stomach and I felt everything in me crunch up inside, I wanted to vomit up my blood again but nothing happened and I continued to stare at him as he grabbed onto my face and made me stare at him. "You aren't going to ruin Mark's career…no, you aren't a proper Nightshifter. We should change you…brain surgery…" he slipped his finger underneath my chin. "You still have a bit of Jeff and we will change that. You'll be completely one hundred percent you, you little whore and if you ever try to make a move on Mark…"

I just stared at him and nodded my head. "Fernando and Jonathon-"

"They're not yours anymore."

I felt tears spring towards my eyes. "But…but…they're my children! You can't take them away from me…" he hit me as hard as he could have, punched me so hard that I felt as if everything was ripped apart from me and I stared down at the waterfall as the tears cascaded down my cheeks and then Caiden stood up, kicking my back and almost making me fall inside.

"Follow me, slut."

He was taking me out of the forest. Mark told me that wasn't safe but Caiden didn't care.

And neither did I anymore.

He shoved me inside of a room and locked me there. I didn't know how long I spent in this Goddamn room but I spent so much time just there, and then when I thought I was going to rot in this room for good, then a male came in…a Doctor and he told me to lay down so that he could sedate me…

Even through the blackness, I felt the pain stir in my blood.

I just couldn't open my eyes.

Not for a while.

I thought of Mark. I thought of this perfect haven of us, entwined in perfection…I thought of Fernando and Jonathon, happy children growing up, with a pretty garden in the backyard, in which they'd play around, happy and laughing, Fernando's head on Jonathon's shoulder as they walked around, giggling and laughing…happy…so very happy….and I wanted to see them. I really did.

They were a piece of me…and a piece of Mark…

Then when I finally was able to open my eyes, I realized that Mark was standing there, with a horrified look on his face and I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I tried to think but I couldn't. I was in searing pain, everything just washed over me as Mark grabbed onto Caiden's shoulders, 'this wasn't part of the plan!"

"Your little pet isn't allowed this. He can't be a Nightshifter—"

"But who knew what else you might've taken away from him!? You might have not taken all of Jeff's desires. Maybe his desire for me was his very own developed desire that found itself with Jeff's body…" Mark cupped my cheek and I stared at him then back at Matt, holding Jonathon, while Jeff was holding Fernando, both of them tucked into blankets of green and yellow, sleepsuits made of purple and orange, and I wanted to hold them so bad…I didn't know what I was demented off but then my shoulders jerked. My head twisted. My head was spinning and my stomach churned. The pain took over me like a wave of horror; sorrow that hit me…devoured me and nothing was left of me.

Mark held onto me closely, brushing his fingers into my hair, his soft words lulled me… "God, Phil, are you okay? What did that bastard do to you?"

"I…" I couldn't speak.

Then I felt the most impossible type of pain, every cell in me just jolt, a pain shot through my spine, burned my head and I let out horrible screams that made my throat so dry and I couldn't see and then…just everything was breaking and…and…I thought I could see the world in two colors, blue and black…then all I could remember was blacking out once more.

When I woke up, I woke up in a fizzled world.

The pain just wasn't there.

Nothing was there.

Mark was beside me.

And so were my babies…

But I felt nothing.

I hit my head over the head and I wanted to scream but there was no pain at all…and I couldn't feel happy when I thought of Mark and everything was just blocked out of me, every emotion…

I let another scream rip from my throat.

Mark woke up, horrified and rushed towards my side, looking down at me. "What's wrong, my darling? Pet? What's wrong, baby?" I just stared at him, confused, I'd never seen him so worried for me…but I still couldn't understand anything. I just couldn't feel anything. His touch meant nothing to me…

I wanted to hide away from this world until nobody could see me… I didn't want to be seen…like this monster that didn't care… I…I didn't—

"Pet…"

* * *

**Next chapter will be '**_**Shadow'**_**. :D **

**X Sam.**


	22. Shadow

…**and an update. Everyone enjoy. :3**

* * *

**Ch**_apt_er **Tw**_en_ty **T**_w_o

**Sh**_ad_ow

* * *

All I knew now that I felt empty.

I felt so damn empty and absolutely hideous. I had nothing in me. It was almost as if all my emotion were banned from me but this never ending pain that still stabbed me so hard that it made me want to cry my eyes out. Mark talked to Caiden who said that he'd taken away that part of my brain that was Jeff's and it took away my emotions. I wasn't human and I wasn't a Nightshifter, I was something else…and I felt so damn ugly for whom I am. I wanted to cry every time I stared at the memory.

But the tears only gave me pain and when the pain was gone, the numbness came back…when Mark stroked me, I didn't feel that jolt of happiness and when I saw Fernando and Jonathon, I still didn't feel as happy as I should've been. I lived in the cot of the hospital as I crashed every two minutes because I wouldn't eat. The food just tasted horrid right now…

My stomach was growling but I refused to eat.

I just couldn't.

My heart was pounding.

My eyes were swelling.

I wanted to die.

I felt like I was dying.

They kept my babies beside me, Fernando on my left and Jonathon on my right, and Mark tried to support me. He honestly did but I knew I'd be marrying Matt anyways later on. And I knew Madison was still out there…

That night, Matt and I talked.

Matt stared at me, as if he was about to cry but I didn't know why. His face was just plastered with unhappiness as he stared at me. "You know, I still don't understand why you love Mark so much…"

"I don't anymore." I let out a sob. "I don't love anything anymore…everything's just so…it all hurts."

Matt was staring at me, he was crying now too. "God, Phil…"

"It hurts."

He lifted my chin and kissed my nose. "God, it all hurts, Matty…I swear! IT HURTS SO BAD! I want this all to end. I don't want anyone to stare at me anymore…I'm ugly, Matty…I'm so ugly…and my babies…and Mark…God, it all hurts!"

I was holding onto him.

"Make the pain stop, Matty."

He was holding onto me now, stroking my hair.

"Make the pain stop…"

I let out another sob, my voice broken…

Everything—

Broken.

Shattered into a million little pieces.

How I was nothing but a reckless fool to believe that I could be something in this world, to believe that I would be something more to somebody…to Mark…

Matt continued to stroke my hair. "It's gonna be okay, Phil!"

"I'm sick and tired of hearing that! Everything's falling apart! Nothing is ever going to be okay anymore, Matty! I know! I know!" I let out a sob again and he kissed my nose and I felt my heart break and shatter and I felt myself break and shatter and I felt the entire existence of everything…

_Break_ and **shatter**.

The shadows of our pain engulfed us until nothing was left.

And so, to that, my mind soared over to thoughts of something other than reality…a makeshift fantasy where a lynx and a bear was fighting and I was laughing. I was laughing and I was insane.

And I didn't know what was going on.

I was seeing a cat and a bear fight.

And this hospital scene was fuzzy.

I could hear Matt shake me and I could feel spots of blackness push towards my eyes as the darkness engulfed me and took me far, far away from the pain of the world. The time I woke up was when it was midnight and everyone was gone, except for Matt, who was standing there.

I was tied towards the bed, the shackles were made of metal and I saw the clipboard that said that I had been hurting myself in my sleep and only when I'd seen the fresh slice on my stomach until I realized that it was true then my eyes trailed towards the figure that was standing there.

It was Matt.

He was holding a gun.

His eyes were bubbling with tears as he brought it towards his head.

"If Mark can't have you, then you shouldn't want me…"

"Matty, please…"

"No, Phil. You and Mark." I could feel tears prick into my eyes. Matt was about to take his life for me just so Mark and I could be together and a stab of pain filled the field of agony that I was already feeling as Matt bit down his lower lip. "Tell Jeffy that—that I love him…tell Mark to…to marry you…even if I know he's a backstabbing bastard…you…you can change him, Philly…"

My babies were asleep. My eyes were awake but my brain was asleep. I couldn't say anything and when I did, it was because I could feel his short breaths, even if he was too far away…

I bit down my lower lip. "Matty, no!"

"Change is beautiful, Phil. You're going to turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly and you're going to fly far far away with your little butterfly babies, Fernando and Jonathon, and you're going to live happily ever after with Mark…up in the clouds…safe…away from me…I don't want to fuck this insane fantasy up, Phil. Not anymore."

"Matt-"

That was it.

The bang.

The strike

The body hit the ground.

A corpse.

My eyes blinked, and I realized he was really dead. "Matty…no…no…" I was crying and sobbing and Mark and Jeff, who were apparently, staying there, had rushed into the room where Matt laid onto the floor, the gun in his hands and Jeff was staring at me and tears were into his eyes as he ran towards me and embraced me instead of punching the daylights out of me because I couldn't save him.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"God, no." I sobbed, my tears burning at the corners of my eye as they slipped down and soiled my blanket.

"God, no…"

Mark stayed with me for the rest of the night after they released me from my shackles and I was in his arms but I couldn't even feel warm.

God, it was so cold.

"What did he say before…he died?"

I just stared at him for a while but it finally clicked into my head that he was talking about Matt, poor, poor Matty.

"_Change is beautiful, Phil. You're going to turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly and you're going to fly far far away with your little butterfly babies, Fernando and Jonathon, and you're going to live happily ever after with Mark…up in the clouds…safe…away from me…I don't want to fuck this insane fantasy up, Phil. Not anymore."_

"…he-he…didn't want to interfere with us…"

Mark didn't seem to believe me. "Are you making this up?"

God no. He didn't just say that, did he?

I simply slapped him, allowed my tears to trickle down my cheeks… "I'm not gonna lie to you, Mark! He killed himself because of me! Because-because-because he thought that he was getting in the way of us and he wanted me to love you!"

"You're lying to me, aren't you?" Mark snapped. "Why would Matt want me to be with you? To hurt his little brother's heart?"

I stood up, even though I was in terrible pain and I walked off while Mark stood up and walked after me then I found myself running even though I thought I was going to faint and I lost him after taking a gateway towards a place I didn't know and I slipped out of the hospital and into the dark forest again, sliding towards a tree and curling up into a ball, trying to regulate my breaths as my head pounded and my spine punctured with terrible pain that made me want to snap it in half myself.

Sobs escaped my throat.

Then I heard a sound—

Madison walked towards me. Her eyes were burning deep red as she leaned down towards me and grabbed onto my face, her fingers digging deep into my flesh as she looked at Dylan and Naomi.

"Dylan, you have one for you here."

Dylan stared at me, grinning before he sat down beside me. The freckled boy grabbed me by my arm and nearly ripped it in half. Dylan was beautiful in his horror-faced sort of way. His face was cranberry colored and his eyes were bright green, the soft that you could only find on crayons, a mixture of green and soft purple, with an inner lining of blue, and his clothing consisted of only black. His hair was straight black and long. In moments, he was naked and pounding into me.

I just couldn't believe the pain.

Why did they want to fuck me if I was so ugly?

Why…?

Did they like seeing me squirm in pain?

All I could remember was passing out and then waking up to find myself in Dylan's arms somewhere in a hotel room. He was looking at me as if he owned me and I looked towards Madison and Naomi who were grinning at Dylan. "The fourth member now?" Dylan nodded his head.

"Mine." Dylan purred into my ears, causing me to feel sick.

"Goodbye, Chicago. Welcome to Italy, Phil."

_?!_

Thoughts of horror hit me as hard as ever and I felt even worse then before. Everything condensed into pain and desolation and I found myself having to try to stop myself from crying and sobbing. I was so far away from everyone but why did I care? Dylan stared down at me as he ran his fingers through my bare chest.

I stared at him as he crashed his lips down towards mine. "You're mine now, Phil. _Forever_."

* * *

**Next one: ****Child****.**

**Preview:**

_**Phil: …but-but-  
Dylan: I WANT A CHILD, BITCH!  
Phil: …please…don't hurt me… **_

**Hehe. Review?**

**X Sam.**


	23. Child

**:3 Long time no update, XD!**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter **Tw**_en_ty **Th**_re_e

**Ch**_il_d

* * *

I was cradled up into sheets, next to Dylan who was holding me and kissing my neck. I was thinking of Mark the entire time.

We were naked.

He _owned_ me now…

I didn't know how this Nightshifter thing went but I knew that the only way of making a bond was by a ring and the only one that it could be broken was by death…and Dylan knew that because I could see that he had a black box tucked in the pockets of his pants, which was on the floor.

I couldn't say no to Dylan when he asked me. I knew it. He had Madison and Naomi looking at him, silently ready to murder me any second if I declined in making a generation of evil Nightshifters…

I thought of Mark for a moment.

I thought of my babies…

I wanted them.

But I just couldn't feel anything for him. Not love, not security, just a stab of pain for all that he'd put me through…this wasn't fair…this wasn't fair…this wasn't fair… Dylan gave them some sort of signal and they left the room as Dylan kissed my cheek and then bit it, sending a surge of blood down my cheek and a bit to go into my flesh. His teeth were so sharp…I gasped…

His hand ran down my body, as if it was his.

"I want a child." He simply said.

He didn't ask for marriage…he asked for a child…a child of pure darkness…in me…

"But-but-"I tried to speak out but Dylan snapped and slapped me, his eyes staring at me, pulsing from their bright green color to a bright purple color, his angry color…I could just tell from his eyes…and then he kissed me hard. "I WANT A CHILD, BITCH!" he knew he could rape me anyway and he already did but this proved to me that he wasn't going to stop until he had a baby…

"…please…don't hurt me…"

So much pain.

So much pain…

I was crying.

God…

So much pain…

* * *

I spent weeks in this one room only.

With Dylan pounding into me and making me feel as if everything was being ripped out of me and then I walked towards the bathroom, to do a pregnancy test…Dylan was standing there, in a navy blue cotton t-shirt and plaid white and blue shorts as I stared at the pregnancy stick in my hand.

"Positive."

That was when a smirk entered his face. "Good." He walked towards me and kissed me; in such a light way that it was almost impossible to believe that he raped me twenty minutes ago.

This was a fact.

Dylan was the roughest when he raped me and when he wanted something from me…but other than that, he treated me better than anyone could have but I was still thinking of Mark…I loved Mark. I really did and not having him around me made me want to cry sometimes, just thinking that he was so away from me… but I just couldn't feel happy…I couldn't feel loved or wanted or needed.

I just felt the pain.

And that was it.

That was all that it ever was and ever will be.

I snuggled up to Dylan in bed and he ran his fingers through my hair.

Then somehow, along the lines I fell asleep.

And I dreamed of Mark…and me…I dreamed of the forces that tore us apart and played us up, I could remember reaching and trying to reach out for him, calling out…

Calling out…

"MARK! MARK!"

…I could remember reaching…and trying to reach out for him…

"MARK! MARK!"

Then I could remember Dylan shaking me with a look of anger on his face as he slapped me. "Pet."

That word…

I stared at him and he stared back at me, he scrunched up his nose and I knew he was disgusted about my love for Mark…and I knew from the face that Dylan gave me that he was in love with me…and for some reason, that made me want to laugh. Why did he want me? What was so special about me…?

"You're not his pet anymore. You belong to me…even if I have to kill you with me…"

That made me whimper.

"You can't force him, Dylan—"

"NAOMI!"

He knew that that had caught my attention and Naomi had no other choice but to explain it to me. She sat down beside me and then grabbed onto my hand, 'there is this tournament, in which Dylan and Mark can compete for you…but the challenges are difficult and cheating is allowed…but it's hard to cheat and it's harder to even win…because there's no way that both of them can make it through."

Dylan looked at Naomi and nodded his head. "Exactly…I should do that to Mark. Show him my power."

Dylan walked out of the room and Naomi sat down beside me, playing with her dirty blonde curls and then staring at me. "They have to fight, and one has to kill the other…they can bring back reinforcements…that's not cheating here. It's fine. Unfairness is fair in the Nightshifter world."

I just stared at him. "Mark…" I simply said under my breath.

"Mark is a wrestler. Not a fighter. Dylan…Dylan has known his way around a sword since he was five and he tried to impress his father…Dylan's gifted in that area too and he's going to chop Mark into pieces…there's no way to save Mark now…he was challenged and he can't back out. That's just the way it goes…"

I threw up badly onto the floor and rested my head onto the bed.

"Pregnant." She simply said, staring at my stomach and rubbing her hand there. Naomi wasn't evil…she was forced into this and was sweeter. Dylan and Madison were darker…yet Dylan cared for me…underneath the want and need and rape, he liked me…I could just tell, from the look in his eyes…he liked me.

* * *

It had been around two months since the pregnancy, two months away from Mark…and there, I was bloated again and I was dying inside again and I was crying so much again…God, I was so weak.

I wanted to be happy.

But nothing could make me happy.

Dylan took me out for a car drive…

And in seconds, he just said. "We're having the tournament today."

"What?" I was almost in tears, knowing that I couldn't do anything to stop it and Dylan nodded his head as he stopped towards an area that seemed to be abandoned and then he clapped his hands, before he pulled out a secret enterance in the grass itself and I followed him, knowing I had no other choice.

They came to Italy…for me…

Jeff was sitting down, a blanket in his hands as I sat down too and his eyes was on my stomach.

"You're…you're…"

I wanted to cry.

I did.

The tears just fell.

As I nodded my head and then he hugged me, wrapping around the blanket around me…it was mine, it used to be mine…he brought it for me. I rested my head onto his shoulder as Mark looked down at me and let out a growl of hate. "He…he…"

"I'm pregnant, Mark." I simply stated the obvious.

He wanted to rip the child out of me. I could say it in his eyes and then I heard footsteps and looked down to see my children. Fernando and Jonathon, they were at least a year old now, they looked so pretty…so worth the sight…I was ready to cry.

"Mommy."

Their voices…

I was crying again.

Oh God…

They…they were mine…

How could I have left them?

I realized they were in black, as Mark's babies, should be and Fernando sat down, resting his head onto my shoulder while Jonathon ran towards my leg and grabbed it. They shouldn't be here.

They knew what was going on.

I knew that they switched bodies…this was why they could understand everything so well…

It hurt me to see it pan out like this.

Everything…

Just hurt.

I vomited, blood at my feet and Fernando and Jonathon's eyes widened as they embraced me tighter.

They shouldn't be here…they shouldn't see this…

Mark was standing on one edge and I could only remember burying my head into my face and hearing their swords clash…

Everything.

I could hear Jeff and the babies' whimpering.

I could hear it all…

Then…

A scream filled the air…

* * *

**Anyone miss me? Anyone miss the angst and suspense? XD! Well, not suspense really…anything? No? **

**FINE. XD!**

…**can I have a review? :3**

**X Sam.**


	24. Hunger

**I forced myself to do this chapter and it finally came out! ~YAYYYYYY! :3 Let's give **_**MagicallyMalicious**_** a heart attack, XD!**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** Fo**_u_r

**Hu**_ng_er

* * *

I felt my entire stomach roll with a pitch of pain.

Then…I finally opened my eyes…

Then I let out a gasp of horror. My eyes filled with tears. Mark and Dylan…Dylan…Mark…God…I won't believe it.

The one who was holding my leg now wasn't Jonathon. It was Jeff as he buried his head not to see the sight…

_God…_

I was crying.

I didn't care.

I ran towards the body and fell down towards it…

My body was limp and my hair was in my eyes.

God…

So dead…

And beautiful…

No…

Dylan walked towards me and grabbed onto my shoulder so tight that I almost thought the tears were going to start up again.

"Leave me alone."

The pain…

"ALL OF YOU. JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I could still feel my babies kicking and I could feel my eyes burning with tears that were shed faster than ever and I held onto the body on the floor…my baby…they stabbed _my_ Jonathon…

I won't believe it.

He was dead.

Those eyes…shut tight…

Black hair, dull…peach flesh, lost all of its color, so pale…so beautiful, so dead…_God no… _

_Jonathon…_

Fernando could understand what was going through because he walked towards me and then he kissed his brother's forehead before looking at me. "Is he going to go to bed now? To sleep? Up there?"

He was a smart child for a few month old baby Nightshifter.

I nodded my head.

"Bye, bye, Johnny."

I knew that Jonathon was in Fernando's body but still…we all couldn't get used to it. Fernando leaned down and watched Jonathon, as if he was waiting for him to move. "Weird. I thought sleeping people could breathe…"

He was dead.

God, I wanted to say it so bad.

"Is he coming back?"

Tears were choking me.

Mark leaned down towards Fernando's eye level. "One day, you're going to meet up there with him and you're going to be together forever. It's like a game, Fernando. Like a beautiful disaster…"

I let out a sob and Fernando was looking at me. "Phil is crying."

He called me Phil.

Oh God.

My own child called me by my name.

"Yeah…he is…"

"Why is he crying, Daddy?"

I knew that Fernando saw Jeff as his motherly figure and me as just Phil. It was wrong. I was going to have the babies of a horrible man and I didn't want to. I'd rather kill myself than stay with Dylan any longer…

"Dylan is a bad man." Fernando said, his eyes furrowing…

Dylan was the one that had senselessly stabbed Fernando. I could tell it from the anger in Mark's eyes…the pain in Jeff's eyes…the way that he looked at me with pure sympathy…I barely got time to spend with my baby. I just wanted him to be safe…why did this have to happen to me?!

I just wanted him to be safe…

"DYLAN IS A BAD MAN!"

Fernando was powered by rage. The sword on the floor was floating in seconds and had stabbed Dylan so quickly that it seemed almost impossible…Fernando's anger had powered the sword…Fernando could move objects with his mind…he was telekentic. I was just shocked, seeing my son commit a crime in seconds.

"Mommy." Dylan was sniffling as he walked over to Jeff and tugged at his pants. "I just want to go away."

My head was blurring…

I felt pain everywhere…

"Take me far away…"

"NO!" I didn't want them to take Fernando away from me. Not after Jonathon had died right before me and Mark had grabbed onto my arms as I felt the babies inside of me rip through my stomach, almost as if they were trying to get out of me…the evil babies that were made to destroy all…

"Mark, please!"

Mark was taking away the hair off my face and then he kissed me, a kiss that made Fernando gasp…

"But Daddy…I thought you liked Mommy…"

I could tell with that that Mark had given up on whatever was supposed to be of our relationship and had gone back to Jeff and I could tell from Jeff's pained face, that was it was good. That the relationship they had was amazing…

I just turned around.

"Madison…you win…"

Her eyes are glowing ruby red as she smirked and grabbed onto my shoulder, bringing me close to her mouth as she spoke into my ear. "You're willing to give away the other part of your family…?"

"They're happy without me." I was secretly crying on the inside.

They weren't even looking at me. Fernando was talking to both of them and they didn't even notice my existence…

She smirked. "So what do we have to give you in order to get you to be one of us?"

She was giving me a choice?

"Since your son did kill Dylan, you are free from our clutches…"

"They said that I was the last thing on your list."

She nodded her head as Madison's eyes hardened. "I wanted you dead and I still do." She poked through my stomach. "Right now, I have no use for you since the only one that could birth you died but you will stay with me…until these babies are born and then I will release you and I will kill myself afterwards. The end of my list. You better be fucking happy, bitch."

Madison grabbed onto my arm and dragged me off.

At that moment, I took one last look at Mark and Jeff, who had Fernando bouncing and happy and then one last look at my…d-d-d-dead…son, and then I let the tears finally cascade.

I wanted the babies inside of me now to be dead.

I didn't want to birth completely evil babies and I hoped…God, I hoped…I knew it was evil of me but I was going to birth darkness into this world and nothing more and with that, I stared at Dylan's body…

He looked so sweet in his slumber.

Almost as if he wanted to die…

* * *

I lay in my bed and Madison was watching over me…over everything I eat and she hadn't given me much to eat. I was hungry. What she had given me was a bunch of crackers that couldn't satisfy three stomachs and I was so hungry. My head was spinning and she then made me stand up while she looked over my bed for anything I may have hid in it. I was so dizzy as I stood up.

She was treating me like shit.

I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. I wasn't allowed to get out of this room. She even engraved it in my flesh a number and she told me that she always kept track of the victim's number on his flesh.

It burned.

The hot metal that was being pulled into my flesh, engraving the number…_249_.

I was just staring at it as she kissed it and then bit it, the blood trailing down her teeth and spilling on the bed.

I was shaking.

So much blood loss…

I fainted.

I could remember waking up because I felt a horrible contraction and let out a scream. She wouldn't let me take anything to numb the pain and I knew just right then that I was giving birth. The sewing kit…I need to open myself up…

I didn't want them to bite through me.

But they were.

So fast.

I could see my flesh snapping…

And then…

Everything…

Black dots formed in my eyes…

So tired.

So much blood.

I let out screams that were making me only even more tired.

"Mark!"

I wanted him.

Needed him.

"MARK!"

…I need closure.

I was dying on the inside…

Then…

Then…

_**BLACKNESS**_

Took me over…

* * *

I opened my eyes.

To see that I was in the hospital room.

I couldn't move but I could see that my stomach was sliced open and Doctors were operating.

I could cry but I couldn't feel them falling…

"It's going to be okay." The female nurse told me. "Just fall asleep again."

I couldn't. I was just staring. I must've blacked out…and then Madison must've taken me to repair me…

"M-M-Madison?"

Naomi was standing beside me, grabbing onto my hand… "She killed herself. Like she said she would…"

The darkness was gone for now…

For a time until these children of Dylan's grew up.

"Where are they?"

Naomi knew what I was talking about 'cause she pulled one of the baby beds the hospital offered and there they were, two girls, nestled towards each other, and they looked so much like Dylan and…they looked like they were dying.

Or maybe I was dying.

I didn't know.

I didn't really care…

"MARK!"

I didn't know where that came from.

I thought I saw him…

And I did.

He walked towards me and looked me straight into the eyes and then he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight as my eyes squeezed tight… I knew his touch was real and I knew he was really there.

But for what…?

* * *

Mark slipped his hand onto my shoulder as I arose and I saw it in his eyes, that there was something serious going on. "Phil…"

I noticed we were in a room now. His hotel room.

The candles were lit and Fernando was sleeping. Jeff on the bed next to me and everything was blurred and out of focus for a while before I could see everything and then I just ended staring at him for a long time. Then he softly pecked my lips, soft and sweet, and I couldn't help but stare at Mark for the longest of times.

There was just something about him that was making me feel uneasy.

Something wrong that was happening and I couldn't see it…

He lifted my chin up and he was shaking.

"You love him."

I just said it out straight.

He just nodded his head.

"You don't want me anymore."

He just continued to nod his head.

"I'm dirty now."

"You've been inflicted with darkness, Phil. A sort of darkness that…that I can't take away from you…you've seen things that shouldn't been seen, you've had children of darkness and that darkness…it's still in you…"

I didn't even shed a tear.

Too tired of crying.

"I love Jeff."

But I was nothing to him.

I didn't even cry.

I just laughed.

And inside, I was dying and cracking into a million pieces…

Then the next park was what broke me the most. "I want to marry Jeff."

* * *

**HA! XD! **

**The ending—O_O. I don't even like Mark/Jeff, XD!**

**X Sam.**


	25. Goodbye

**I know I have basically no time to write right now. -_- Between the studehing and the grounding of poor SamSam but hey, I found it in me to update...during school. Does that not make you sad that this is how I spend mah breaks right now? XD!**

**

* * *

**

**Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** Fi**_v_e

**Goo**_db_ye

* * *

After those words were sad...I laughed again.

Laughing made the pain go away for a second, just to pretend that I'm happy, that I didn't need him. That he was irrelevant in my life and then I looked away and I could feel the tears stinging at the corner of my eyes and he clasped a hand on my shoulder. "You won't need me, Phil. You'll see-"

"Won't need you?! My existence is all because of you right now...the only reason I'm alive is because I thought there was a chance of love, that you cared and loved for me...as much as I cared and loved for you. I just wanted to know if you had an ounce of what I feel for you...and don't you dare tell me that I won't need you. I do need you. I do breathe you. You're the very breath of me, the reason for me waking up every morning...you're the dream of me. You-you don't even understand what I feel for you!"

"It's gonna go away..."

Tears were now cascading down my face. "When will they go, Mark? These feelings?! They're not Jeff's anymore. Every part of Jeff in me is gone and all that's left is this stranger. I'm not even Phil anymore. This stranger inside me wants to smoke every time you reject me, over and over, he wants to take a big ole' bottle of alcohol and drink it until his throat burns and until his brain is fried because that seems to be life for this stranger. This used to be Jeff's desire but quick enough, his desires became mine...and it's burning. It's burning like a passion's fiery. It...I don't want it! But...but..." the tears were falling even harder now. My hands balled into fists.

"Then think about it." He said.

He took my heart to heart breakdown as if it was nothing. I poured my very soul into these words...and he didn't care.

Mark took my face, his warm hands...touching me. Undeserving me...

"If you think you've gotten this thing from Jeff, then think about how Jeff feels. You only got an inch of desire from him...and now, you think you're head over heels for me...but Jeff's desire for me is harder, worse...and yours is nothing compared-"

I let out a scream at that point. "Stop telling me how I fucking feel! You all don't know!"

He cupped my cheek. "Shh..."

"Stop it." I simply said, in this hushed voice that didn't seem like mine at all.

So breakable.

So frail and fragile.

I stared into his eyes as he leaned down to kiss my forehead, a gesture sweet but when he did it, it seemed all too friendly, or brotherly, as if that was all I'd ever amount to him right now. I looked down at my stomach, feeling empty without something moving inside me... "Mark. Mark, please..." I whispered under my breath. "Please..."

"Please what?" he asked.

"Please...don't make me feel worthless."

"You're not worthless-"

"You're making me feel so fucking worthless!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around his neck, sobbing into his chest, crying and wailing, as if I was a petite child that didn't know anything. My head was pounding and my chest was heaving and crushing my lungs at the same time and then, my stomach bubbled with acid...

Pain.

An incredible pitch of pain.

That made me want to die.

Worthless little Phil dying...

Dying...

Dying...

On the inside.

And nobody cared.

That the little spark of life in me was slowly subsiding...

"Phil, if you can't handle the fact that me and Jeff are in love, and that what you have for me will fade away in time, then I suggest you not hang around with me and Jeff." After all that, how could he deny those feelings? All of that horror and pain and desolation? Was that just a crush? ...was this because I couldn't feel the love anymore? That I could only feel the pain but I felt it. I felt like he was the only one who could make me love again...

Why was he throwing me away?

Dammit.

Why didn't I just take the fact that that was all I was ever going to be...

Thrown away.

Into the darkest pit of misery.

Swallowed by the monster of my past.

Then Jeff came in, holding my baby, _my _Fernando, into his arms, and he was rocking him to sleep. My Fernando. He just stared at me and he knew that I couldn't take it well. I could still feel the warmth in my face, the stickiness of the tears that were falling without my consent...I didn't even say anything before I looked down at my child who slowly fluttered his eyes open at me.

"Mark?" Jeff called out to him.

"Yes, love?"

Love.

I was supposed to be his love!

Why Jeff?

Why can't I be so lucky?

Why can't I feel love?

Why...?

I didn't want to be this way. I really didn't.

"Mark, I think we should give Fernando back to Phil..." Jeff started.

That was when I wanted to cry out again. Even though the envy for Jeff burned like a thousand suns in me...he still wanted to be sweet to me, to sugar-coat all that was horrible for me, and give me a piece of hope I can hold on...a piece of Heaven I could keep with me at all times, my baby boy...but when I stared at Mark, his face crumpled in revolt. "No."

"But Mark-"Jeff wanted to fight for me. It was serious in his eyes.

"No, Jeff. Phil is tainted...with darkness. He's been through things that nobody's been through, he's seen things he's not supposed to have seen...he can't taint Fernando as well. I'm his father. I can speak for him. I won't let Phil taint him!"

I let out a sob of terror. "You're not the one that spend so long into all this pain! You're not the one that held this baby in you for what seemed like eternity. Have him almost kill you...the pain that he gave me...when I was giving birth...it was the greatest pain I've ever felt...the pain I felt...when he ripped apart my very existence--and I don't get to keep the son that had gotten out of my body?! The person that I've come so close to...that I feel empty without..."

I turned around. I didn't even want to see him protest against me anymore. I walked out of there with this fury and stabbing pain constantly hanging over me...

And then...

Then I saw it.

A bright light hovered against me.

An aura.

A glow of a mouse that I followed.

Yes. I followed a mouse into the woods, as it ate its cheese, the bites of cheese that were in his teeth, dangling...and I found myself in the forest again, alone, scared, sitting down beside the tree where the mouse, my now only friend, was eating and gobbling up bits of cheese in his mouth. And when he was done, he rested in his place.

Waiting.

Light burned.

"Phil?"

Then I saw him again.

He crept towards me. As if he was some sort of angel ready to save me.

His eyes full of sadness. "Something's gonna happen...people are gonna die...Phil, I know. I saw it..." his eyes were bubbling with unshed tears. He was too scared. I'd never seen him scared before. Not to this extent.

I walked towards him to embrace him.

"God, Phil, we're all gonna die."

"It's gonna be okay, Matty...it's gonna be okay..."

* * *

**Review?**

**I seriousleh did not know what to add at the end so...yeah, I just added a bit of suspense. XD! **

**...-_- I'm gonna get totaled for all these cliffies one day. **

**Alsoo...preview of the next chapter '_Sing_'. **

**_Matt: Phil, we need to stop this._  
_Phil: we can't. _  
_Matt: WHY?! _  
_Phil: 'cause it's all over! It's just the two of us! What could we possibly do to stop this?! _  
**

**X Sam.**


	26. Sing

**X3. Hehe. I got to complete another chapter this morning. XD! It takes so long for mah Daddeh and sistehs to get ready that I finished an entire chapter. :3 LET'S EAT IT. O_O**

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** S**_i_x

**S**_in_g

* * *

It was hard to listen, as hard as it to understand what he was telling me.

"Phil, I'm sent here to stop the darkest thing from happening…" he said, looking at my face. "This world is going into its apocalyptic stage…the Nightshifters, they're planning to kill all humans, and gathering up together in their secret places, there's more than we think right now…and I think that our wrestling 'friends' are now part of the apocalypse that's going to happen."

"…why?" I rasped out, horrified.

The whole world was going to end—and my kind was the reason for it.

"Because, listen, Phil…they think that humans are lucky. Too lucky. Because their bodies and minds are their own…they didn't have to suffer and they're keeping all these disabled people…not just Nightshifters. People with cancer, HIV, AIDS with severe genetic problems, just because they think that the people who are lucky and healthy shouldn't be alike…"

I stared at him, still terrified. "And me…?"

"They consider you as 'lucky' since you got your body back."

I let out a howl of laughter. "Lucky?! Look at me, Matty. I'm more scarred than they're ever going to be, been stabbed too many times on the inside…almost as if I already died and I still do care if I drop dead today. Because I don't want to go yet, Matt…I just…I feel like dying but I don't wanna go through it! I'm scared! And…Fernando…I wanna see him grow up…" I wasn't allowed near Fernando anymore but I wanted to see him grow up. My baby boy.

Not Jeff's. Even if Jeff was on my side…it ticked me off knowing that Fernando thought of Jeff as his mother.

"And guess who's the lead in this operation?"

I just stared at him, waiting for an answer…

"Mark and Fernando." Matt said, making my body sweat like crazy as I heave with horror. "Mark doesn't care about my brother. He never did. He doesn't care about Jeffy as much as he should…that marriage is nothing more than just a tie…they're gonna fuck up my Jeffy just so he can continue to live on while Mark uses him as a sex toy."

I felt like fainting.

All this was rushing through my head and cutting every image and thought I ever thought of Jeff and Mark…poor Jeffy…but somehow, I still wanted Mark. Because he was the only one who could make me happy…did that make me sick?

"The wedding…" I simply breathed out.

"…Phil, we need to stop this."

He meant we needed to stop the wedding. From this all before it even started. I thought of Mark…he was smart. He could understand that we wanted to ruin his day…

I stared down. "We can't."

Matt grabbed onto my shoulders, shaking me, 'why?!'

"…'cause it's all over," I was almost crying again. But it wasn't shocking. I'd been crying so much these days that it lost its value. "…it's just the two of us! What could we possibly do to stop this?!"

"The wedding?" Matt kissed my forehead. "Well, I take you as my little brother and I don't want you to get hurt but…but Phil, I need you to distract Mark. I need you to offer Mark the sex toy self-punishment…"

"Hmm?"

Matt sat down. "It's a self-punishment that clearly states that you give in. You're giving your body away for sex forever to Mark…but with no strings attached. This is a Nightshifters' thing…because apparently, the bond that Mark and Jeff are going to have is sacred…but the bond that you and Mark are going to have is all just sex-related. It's almost as if Mark and Jeff are married and you're not gonna come between that, but you're still giving your body to Mark and if Jeff finds you and Mark…you know…then he's gonna call off the wedding." Mark said, smiling at me at his plan.

It was a horrible plan!

But then again, did I have another choice…?

Did we all have another choice?

I knew that Matt didn't want me to get hurt in this but we all had to get hurt, get sacrificed…whether we liked it or not. I nodded my head at him, tears shimmering in my eyes…

"I didn't know that Mark was like this before I killed myself, Phil. It's not your fault."

It was almost as if he could read my thoughts. My tears burned harder. He sacrificed his entire life…and all for nothing… I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head into his chest, allowing sobs to escape my throat. "I'm…God…Matt! Matty…" tears blurred my vision. "It's unfair!"

"It's okay." He whispered into my ear, holding me close. "Just do the world a favor, Phil…"

There was guilt in his eyes.

Almost as if he did something…something behind my back.

"Matt?"

He noticed that I noticed the guilt that was pooling into his eyes. "…we have to kill Fernando," he simply whispered under his breath. "Because Fernando is Mark's son, too…"

My heart was pounding in my chest and I stepped backwards, hyperventilating. All those nine months of pain…for nothing?! "Matt…Matt…" I felt as if I was going to black out, just because of this horror that was reeling in me. I didn't want them to hurt my baby! Not my child… not lovely little Fernando…

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'm so sorry, little Philly…"

* * *

Sacrifices had to be made in life.

I accepted that…

But there was still something that burned pain when I thought of _my_ Fernando, _my baby_, being hurt…all because his father was evil. I wanted to turn the other way around. I walked towards Mark's hotel room, knocking on the door and he slowly opened it for me. Jeff wasn't around. I noted.

"Jeff just went to pick up some things for Fernando. He took Fernando with him." Mark said, sitting down and I sat down beside him.

"When's the wedding?"

"…at the end of the week."

"Why wasn't I invited?" I simply asked, staring at him and he chuckled.

"'Cause Jeff didn't know where you were to send you the invitation yet. But he wants you to be there. It's going to be unforgettable." Knowing that the world was coming to an end after this wedding and the way he said 'unforgettable' made me shiver with horror. "Are you cold?"

I nodded my head. "Mark…"

"Hmm?"

I felt cheap already.

"I want to do a sex toy self-punishment to you…" Matt run over what I could say and what wasn't preferred for me to say and Mark's eyes widened when he heard the words and he could back down or accept it. What if he backed down? What if he didn't want it at all?

"Lay down on your stomach, Phil."

I did as told and he took off my shirt, the heat of my flesh touching the cold sheet, making me shudder as his fingers trailed along the scar of my back. My body was fucked…he wouldn't accept, would he? He pulled out a piece of metal, heating it up with a fire that he made in seconds…and then, the hot metal touched my back, writing that familiar horrifying symbol that Matt told me he'd do if I accepted.

I stood up after he was done.

Still aching because of the hot metal that touched my flesh…

I gasped as Mark kissed my neck.

This was acceptance.

And the sex, despite the fact that I couldn't feel love, felt amazing. Almost as if all the pain, all the emotions, good or bad, were gone and the only thing left in my body would be the weightlessness of it all…

I felt loved…

Then it all hit me once more.

I was just a toy to him.

* * *

**AWIE. **

**Phil is just a toysie to Mark. XD! See?! No cliffie! Well, to me, it's not a cliffie. But still...there's a bit of suspense since I TWISTED the whole being of Mark in ONE chapter, XD!**

**Next chapter: '_Never'._**

**_Jeff: _...who's there?**  
**_The sound of glass falling._**  
**_Jeff:_ ...who's there? **  
**_Goes to see..._**  
**_A gasp._**  
**_Jeff: *lets out a scream*!!! PLEASE! NO! _**

**YESH. XD! **

**I LOVE KASSANDRA DIAZ. Even if she isn't reading this fic. X3!**

**X Sam + Dani.**

**Dani: YAY! I got to works on this chappieee...=D**

**...Filth. -_- **

**Ville: Why does-**

**+ Ville.**

**Ville: thank you. **

**-_- Muses. I hate them now. XD! X3. **


	27. Never

**God, I need to make my updates quicker somehow…-_- XD. Yesh. :3**

**

* * *

****Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** Se**_ve_n

**Ne**_ver_

* * *

Then Jeff walked into the room.

His eyes dark as stone as he realized the scene in front of him then those eyes broke into tears…and Fernando, my darling, my baby, was right beside him, taking it all in, and glaring at me, a deadly glare that made my insides turn into rotten flowers…I felt so weightless, so dead, so above the sky and Jeff just glared at me as he grabbed onto my hair and pushed me towards the floor then he stared at Mark, then back at me.

"…Mark, what in hell's name?"

"It's a Nightshifters'—"

"Fuck you!" Jeff exclaimed, grabbing onto my hand and dragging me out of the room, pinning me towards the wall and just staring at me, tears springing from his eyes and cascading… then the anger faded and he just hugged me, embraced me…he wasn't angry at me. He was angry at Mark, so angry at him…but he felt sad for me…that I was part of his game…then Jeff grabbed onto a towel nearby and wrapped it around me, like a female wrapped a towel around her body, and then he kissed my cheek and took me towards another room he got just in case Mark and him fought. He set me down and told Fernando to go to sleep.

It took time for Fernando to finally do so then Jeff threw some clothing at me, and I did wear it. I felt as if I was Jeff's son myself, looking at how happy my Fernando was…not with me, but with Jeff. Almost as if the world was telling me that I should let Fernando stay with Jeff…not me. It hurt so much. "The apocalypse is coming…" I whispered under my breath, my hand running through my hair. "…Jeff, Matt came to me and he told me that it was all going to be over soon. Nightshifters are banning together to kill humans and you guys' wedding is the point of it all. I know that if Mark couldn't marry you—he'd find someone else to wed and that would be the end of it all."

Jeff's eyes widened. I knew he believed me the moment he heard it. "…is Matt okay?"

"Matt's beautiful."

Tears pricked into Jeff's eyes again then looked up at the sky. "You've always been beautiful, Matty…" he said to the skies. "Before the suicide, before the want to kill yourself, before you hated yourself…you were always beautiful. And you should've never doubted that…"

Jeff grabbed onto his heart, did the V1 sign then stared back at Fernando… who was fast asleep by now.

"…what do we do?" Jeff asked me.

"I broke it off with you…but we have to kill Mark…and then…" Phil bit down his lower lip. "And then Fernando…Matt says that he's destined for darkness, that nothing can change his destiny once he'd grown up…and Caiden will find a way to convince him and he'd turn into Mark again…"

Jeff just stared at Fernando. "But God, he's so young…and all that pain…"

"For nothing." My voice was breaking at this point. "All that pain for nothing! God…" Phil sobbed, grabbing onto Jeff and pressing his head against him.

"I loved Mark…" My voice turned into nothing but a whisper. "I still do…God, I'm crazy…God, I'm going crazy…my hormones are over the roof and I want…I love him…Jeffy, help me…help me! I need help…"

I was breaking inside out.

I needed help. I needed guidance. But there was none of that for me. No…not now, and not ever again…

I had to break through the walls myself, try to find light into this inevitable darkness… but that seemed impossible as well…

So…trapped…

And I felt myself drift to sleep.

I woke up later that night, at three in the morning, due to a gunshot and I instantly looked towards where Fernando was sleeping but nobody was there and I bolted out of the room, my heart pounding and I didn't know where to go but I knew – I just knew – that Fernando wasn't there…that he was out there…and that moment, I saw my child outside beside the dead bodies, just staring at them as I grabbed onto his body and pulled him while the Nightshifters stared at me. "…with or without Mark, we will start this." Caiden said, grabbing onto the collar of my shirt and then stared at me, deep into my eyes.

"Bitch." Caiden cursed under his breath then threw me onto the floor, my hands protectively around Fernando, who was kicking out of my grip and I knew he hated me but I couldn't let him get out of my embrace. I needed him so badly. I loved him so badly… they probably thought he wasn't worthy enough—because Fernando was also my child. I stood up and ran away and they were behind me and I found myself going into the woods again, getting lost and then I was in a dead end, near a cliff and then I turned around…closing my eyes and embracing my own death.

But then, hot breaths were on my neck. "If you touch my pet then I'll kill you all." But those eyes were still murderous set on me. I could feel them. I opened my eyes only to meet Mark right beside me, holding onto my hips protectively as he kissed onto my neck while I breathed in the scent of my Fernando, my baby…

We were trapped. There was no way out.

But being here with Mark…

The person I loved the most, even if he hated me, he'd turned into this new person right now, and he seemed to just want me and Fernando was obedient towards his father…sat still into my arms as I breathed in softly but I turned towards them. "Why, Caiden? Why…?" I whispered.

"Because they don't know what pain is!" Caiden exclaimed, looking at me. "…like you…"

I gasped. "I'm a Nightshifter, okay? And you know what? You weren't the one that had two babies trying to eat out of you…you weren't the one who was dying a hundred times before…not the one that had to see his own son die…you weren't the one who realized that the love of my love…Mark…couldn't be with me 'cause I was his pet and he loved Jeff…it wasn't easy for me and _you're_ the one who doesn't know what pain is. _Fuck you_."

Mark's arms were still supporting me as he put his head onto my shoulder. "There you have it, Caiden…you're proven wrong. This is over."

"No…" Caiden's eyes burned with selfish greed. "This has just begun."

* * *

…**suspense. XD. **

**What? …okay, there are three more chapters left. XD. Does that give you an idea of what might happen? :3**

**X Sam.**


	28. Need

ONE MORE CHAPTER TO THE END! :O OH NOES!

* * *

**Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** Ei**_gh_t

**Ne**_e_d

* * *

The next few minutes were a blur, Caiden tried to attack me but Mark came into my way and bit down at his arm and then there was Jeff walking in, just following the scent and his eyes were widened as tears sprung into his eyes once more. He was so fucking scared and so was I. I ran towards him, pushing through equally as scared Nightshifters and I pressed my head against Jeff's chest, moaning loudly to him in aggravation and then I gave him Fernando, and I knew know what to do.

I needed to do this badly. I grabbed onto the keys of my car and stepped inside, just staring at the scars that formed through me and I knew that I was the reason for this. They saw me and they thought I was lucky…it would've all never happened it if wasn't for me. I needed to end me…to end this…

I allowed my car to drive towards the cliff, making sure that I didn't hit anyone and they were still fighting, hitting each other, both of them in bad shape…I bit down my lower lip and stepped out of my car, staring at both of them as they stopped and Mark just stared at me. "…what are you doing?" his voice was soft.

"Caiden…" I blinked. "Caiden, I checked the history. Mark was the first gay Master you had. You thought that he was crazy…you thought that he would taint his pet and when he had a relationship with me…you got ticked…and you hated me 'cause Mark promised that he wouldn't do anything without your permission…but I was different. I was this sort of child that you wanted dead."

Caiden just nodded at me. "Yes, you deserve to be dead."

"And at the same time, you were also in love with Jeff. You wanted to take both of us out of the picture, both me and Mark…because you wanted Jeff, you wanted him more than anything…and Jeff doesn't really know. Nobody knows but I know…that that was one of your biggest reasons, I know it 'cause every time you looked at Jeff…you were as lovesick as I was when I looked at Mark…"

"You needed Mark dead. You knew that Nightshifters suffered as much as any human does…but you needed a reason to kill both of them, to claim Jeff as your own if Mark died then Jeff is one of those humans who were on a high position so you can marry Jeff…" I took another breath. "And Matt…could see all of this and came to me. Of course, Matt was an angel. He didn't come unless in distress and you knew that the first thing he'd do was tell me all of this. You had to eliminate me out of the picture before I told Jeff."

"But I did tell Jeff and your plan is crumpled against you. These Nightshifters…" he turned to his friends, some unfamiliar faces and some familiar. "…these Nightshifters used to be human, they knew their lives became difficult but I bet know they're used to their bodies…they're just scared of you, Caiden. But game over. That's it. The end…"

Caiden pounced on top of me, stabbing my stomach with a knife but I tried to push him off and then bit down at my neck.

"…vampire…" I said underneath my breath.

"Vampire." He smirked.

And then, I couldn't remember what happened. He grabbed onto me and pulled me against his shoulder, and I was blacking out and then Caiden walked towards Jeff, before pressing him against the tree and kissing him, biting at his lower lip, allowing my blood to fall into Jeff's lips and then he pushed me towards Jeff, staring down at me. "If I can't have Jeff, then Phil can't have Mark…" Caiden snapped.

"…the blood exchange is illegal!" Mark snarled at him. Mark looked down at us, stroking Jeff's hair, confusion pooled against our faces.

Caiden nodded his head.

"…what is it?" Jeff said, his voice soft as he whimpered.

"…a vampire blood exchange my darling is one of the deadliest, strongest types of bonds. Phil's blood is in Jeff's system and Jeff won't think of anyone but Phil, and he can't love anyone but Jeff…and this will kill him…slowly kill him…knowing that he also loves Mark as well…and Jeff…Jeff who'd never admit that he was in love with _Matt_…will die as well 'cause his brain is confused…his heart is confused…and both of them would just slowly lie in their ditches and unless they fall for each other, then it's all gone for them…"

"You're sick." Jeff spat out.

"Oh no, Jeffery…Phil knows your memories." Caiden twisted his head. "When Matt lapsed into depression, it was after you told him that you loved him and you didn't bring it up since. That was why he tried to kill himself at first but it didn't work out and Matt loved you too but he tried to forget it by marrying Phil…by pretending to love Phil and the baby just gave him all the more reason to…but then…then what happened, Philip? Then Matt killed himself…for you and Mark's sake, for Jeff's sake…because he couldn't let Jeff love him…he couldn't let his existence break everything."

Jeff gasped. "…Matty…" his tears sprinkled down. "…Phil…" he stroked my cheek. "Phil, you're beautiful."

Jeff pressed his head against the tree. "So beautiful…like Matty…like an angel…" he was trying to tell me that if I died, I'd be an angel. And I just stared at him. He knew I couldn't fall out of love from Mark, there was every way that was tried just to make me forget about Mark, but I still loved him and Jeff…Jeff seemed so besotted with Matt right now, the thought of him…

And Matt was gone when Jeff needed him the most.

And we were now cowering and crying.

Caiden just nodded to himself and then Mark grabbed onto him and tore off his heart, literally, his hand dug into Caiden's chest and pulled out the heart, and Caiden died in that instant…but nothing could change what was happening. Caiden was ecstatic…because Jeff would suffer and I would too…and time was ticking and we were both dying…and Fernando, was standing there, holding onto Jeff and whispering "Mommy, don't die on me" while I cried silently on the inside…

Fernando…

I needed Fernando and Mark the most now but…I didn't think they wanted to see me…I watched as Jeff pressed his lips against mine and I knew that he was trying to love me…trying to find something to love in me…but I didn't know how to fall in love with Jeffery Nero Hardy and I pulled my lips away from him, tasting only the blood of his mouth, mixed in with our tears of sorrow.

* * *

…**I have a feeling that this is gonna be sad. YESH. XD.**

**X Sam.**


	29. Picture

**Ch**_ap_ter** Tw**_en_ty** N**_in_e

**Pic**_tu_re

"_Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window/Go back to sleep…" _

I couldn't sleep.

I just watched Jeff softly breathing as I rocked Fernando into my arms but he just kept on hitting me…but I wanted to love him so badly…and he didn't want me. I was dying. There was no chance I'd be alive after this.

Mark just stood beside me. "Did you know that vampires existed?" I asked Mark, my voice soft.

Mark nodded his head. "Yes. Caiden was a Master of a ton of vampires and vampires were worse than Nightshifters. He had scars of stuff that happened to him…Phil…" Mark bit down his lower lip.

"…you don't need to say it. I'll just leave."

I just set Fernando down beside Jeff and he fell asleep instantly while I walked out of the door, with nothing to hold onto. Even my heart didn't belong to me anymore…

"_Lay your head down child/I won't let the boogeyman come…/Counting bodies like sheep/To the rhythm of the war drums…/Pay no mind to the rabble/Pay no mind to the rabble…/Head down, go to sleep/To the rhythm of the war drums…"_My head was spinning and it was so cold outside and I sat down beside the edge of a pick up truck, staring at the night sky beside me…I was alone and scared and I knew that I was scared of dying right now but somehow…I really didn't care also…I was grabbing onto the edge of the truck. Just praying for Jeff. And staring up at the night sky…my head was spinning and my stomach was churning…

"_You're beautiful." Mark's hands roamed around my body and kissed me and his head was onto my shoulder… _

"_I love you, Mark Calaway."_

"_I love you too, Phil Calaway."_

The thought…made my heart jump and my head spin and yet I was in peace…I loved him so much…

"_Pay no mind what other voices say/They don't care about you, like I do, like I do/Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils, /See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do."_

I was screaming. I was falling. I was crying. I was dying…but none of that seemed to matter anymore…I was safe from the pain, and poison and fear and terror and I was safe…I was now in Mark's arms and I wanted it to be real so bad…I just wanted my last thoughts to be about him…I loved him so badly…

_I could feel Mark's arms around me as he picked me up and spun me around and happiness burned into the room…jagging through me like a knife. I was happy and Fernando was watching us, clapping and then, there was Jonathon, right beside him, holding on him. "Let's go play!" Jonathon begged._

"_Okay!"_

_He put me down and we just stared at each other…_

One moment…to forever…

_"Just stay with me, safe and ignorant/Go back to sleep/Go back to sleep…/Lay your head down child/I won't let the boogeyman come/Count the bodies like sheep/To the rhythm of the war drums…/Pay no mind to the rabble/Pay no mind to the rabble…/Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums…"_

I was scared of falling asleep yet I wanted to so bad. Nobody was going to come and take me…nobody was going to hurt me…and yet, I didn't want to fall asleep. The security bubble was bursting…

Then Mark hit me so hard.

_I fell backwards._

_Blood…_

_So much blood…_

_Seeped from every direction…_

_Every way._

A whimper escaped my throat…

"_I'll be the one to protect you from /Your enemies and all your demons…/I'll be the one to protect you from /A will to survive and a voice of reason…/I'll be the one to protect you from /Your enemies and your choices son/They're one in the same/I must isolate you/Isolate and save you from yourself…"_Then there was rain falling. I could feel it sliding off but it only felt like blood…to that imagination of mine. My happy fantasies were turning on me, turning into something vulgar and unwanted…turning into something that seemed more of my memories than a fantasy…and I couldn't escape the pain. It was engulfing every inch of my body…

I could see it…

_The pain…_

_The blood…_

_Mark just stared down at me and there was this ripping pain as he pushed the knife through my stomach…_

"Don't kill me, Mark!" I screamed out loud, tears blurring my vision…and I was panting…I was panting so badly…

"_Swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order and/Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums…/The boogeymen are coming/The boogeymen are coming…/Keep your head down, go to sleep, to the rhythm of a war drums…/Stay with me/Safe and ignorant/Just stay with me/Hold you and protect you from the other ones/The evil ones/Don't love you son…"_

Then I felt arms around me and I knew it was Mark's just by it and he was staring down at me and Fernando was with him, just staring at him. "Daddy? What's going on? Why are you with this evil man?" he spat out.

And Mark just stared at me. "Don't—"

"Don't kill me." I begged him, tears rolling down my eyes and I could see that my stomach was exposed and Fernando was staring at it, walking over to it closely and tracing his fingers on a birthmark…that seemed almost hidden by the scars of me and he pushed his top, and the same birthmark was imprinted on his stomach. I was breathing heavily as Mark kissed my neck. "Don't die on me, Phil…"

"I love you." I spat out. Tears were still blurring my vision. "Don't hurt me…don't kill me…"

"You're beautiful."

I screeched out. I was scared he'd hit me…that dream almost seemed like a memory…and the pain was too much and…he kissed my forehead and rocked me, trying to keep me safe but the pain was too much and Fernando's eyes blurred with tears. "Mommy…"

And I turned my head around, the black strands of my hair in my vision and I saw Jonathon and Matt dance between shadows and they captured me…captured my soul and very being and I stared at Mark, stared at the very core of his soul and I knew I was going to die, then and now…

"I love you." I told him one more time.

"…I love you too…" his voice was soft. "Don't die on me."

"Don't die on me, Mommy." Fernando repeated, his eyes blurring with tears.

"It hurts." I simply said, blinking before I felt the weight and the pain escape and suddenly, I was in the shadows with Jonathon and Matt and I was dancing with them as well, in this cloud-like haven but it still felt empty without Mark and Fernando and…Matt grabbed onto my waist and pulled me into an embrace.

"…Garrett will kill me but…" Matt started, grabbing onto Jonathon and giving him to me…Jonathon was my child and he was so happy…it made me happy as well…Matt took me over to this place in seconds, this place that seemed so unusual right now and I saw Jeff, kneeling down onto the floor, as Mark told him what happened to me, that I died…and Matt held onto Jeff as Jeff's eyes burned with tears. "I love you." Matt said, pressing his head against Jeff's chest…and then, Jeff just died also…and Mark brushed his hand against Jeff's hair.

"…I love you…"

And suddenly, we were back into that cloud-like haven, Jeff and Matt dancing and giggling…they were children now…children that didn't care about love or protection, recklessly dancing and laughing and hugging and I was with Jonathon for now…and I waited…

I'll wait for Fernando. I'll wait for Mark.

I'll wait…

That night, I returned back into the room, grabbing onto Jonathon's hand and looking at father and son fall asleep, beside each other, Jonathon watched as Mark told him sweet sayings. "Phil is happy…Jeff is happy…they're both beautiful…angels…" Mark stroked Jonathon's arm.

And then they fell asleep…side by side…both of them…and I waited…waited…and I was in peace…just watching Mark, repeating the moment he told me where he loved me…just made me realize…that falling asleep was beautiful.

And I watched Fernando wake up in the middle of the night, to stare at the stars and I'd be beside him, holding onto him, whispering into his ear…

"_Beautiful, beautiful angels…made of beautiful, beautiful stars…so beautiful…safe…you're safe, Fernando. In my arms now…go back to sleep…"_

**As sad as that was…**

**Hmm… it was bittersweet. Hopefully, Kimber isn't reading this or she would've eaten me…anyways… that was why I didn't wanna post the ending. XD. :3 Now review. XD. and don't eat me.**

**I gotta another fic up at the same time. XD. An idea that has been urking meh.**

**:3**

**Title: Take Me Through the Night  
Rated: +18 – language; sex  
Summary: 1. Never tell a lie. 2. Never fall in love with a mortal. 3. Never have children with mortals. 4. Don't tell anyone about the existence of faeries. 5. Never adapt to a mortal's traditions…Phil and Shannon break every rule and then there's the Love Scepter… MPREG. SPN. Sex and abuse.  
Full Summary: Phil and Shannon had run away from their faerie's division in order to explore the world, promising their parents that they'll return home safe in a month's time and that they won't break the faerie's laws. 1. Never Tell a Lie (for the truth sets you free). 2. Never Fall in Love with a Mortal. 3. Never Have Children With Mortals. 4. Don't Tell Anyone About the Existence of Faeries. 5. Never Adapt to a Mortal's Traditions.  
Genre: Friendship/Romance**

**Oh. XD. Imma have fun.**

**FAERIES! :3**

**GO READ IT. XD.**

**Til next time…**

**X Sam.**


End file.
